The Closet
by YetAnotherFan2010
Summary: Nobody talks to Jasper at school, even Edward, because he's different. But inside the hospital closet, Edward and Jasper could become friends... EPOV. AH. SLASH
1. Chapter 1

_Another story about Edward & Jasper... _

CHAPTER 1

I was midway through junior year when Jasper Whitlock and his mom moved to Forks. He was like a bizarre, perplexing, foggy ray of sun. I knew it was ridiculous to compare him to a ray of sun. He was grouchy, quiet, and seemed sad most of the time. But I would still see him as such.

My friends immediately shun him from our group and labeled him as weird. His peculiar long hair, his unusual tan, and his strange cowboy boots casted him as an outsider. People said that his twang and his choices of words made him sound creepy.

I shared three classes with him. He sat in the back and nobody bothered him. He, on the other hand, never ever tried to talk to any of us either.

One day, the teacher called on him during math class, and Jasper was forced to speak. Everybody smirked and gawked at him as if we were in a zoo. I looked at him too, curious to hear him say more than one word at a time. I noticed how his blue eyes raised and looked straight at the teacher without even a glance at us. He uttered his answer clearly and with a confidence that surprised me. I felt a sort of awe at how he was able to ignore us and how he seemed unfazed by our mockery. As most of the students giggled at him, his drawl rang in my ears like exotic music.

As the days and weeks passed, I couldn't help but pay attention to him from afar. He spent his time alone in a corner, always dribbling something in an old notebook. He always had a frown on, his long curls falling in front of his face, hiding him behind its golden curtain, his lips pursed tightly into a thin white line.

I stared at him from afar and noticed how the light would reflect on his long curly hair. It looked golden, a perfect reflection of the sun. I wished my hair looked like his instead of my weird reddish one. But everybody laughed at him. So I didn't tell anyone.

A month after Jasper had moved to town, he made his way to the park. Mike, Tyler and I were playing basketball when we noticed him approach us. He watched us play quietly for a while, and none of us greeted him. After a while, he called out to us, in his usual confident and clear voice, his twang ringing like Southern chimes.

"Hey, do ya need a forth? We could play a game of two against two?"

Mike and Tyler busted out laughing.

"It talks!" Mike said.

"But what language is it? Alien?" Tyler laughed.

My guts twisted into a knot. I lowered my eyes and avoided his gaze.

"You don't belong here." Mike shouted after his fits of laughter subdued. "Go back to the freaking goonies."

I heard his steps parting at last, and I looked up to watch him go. My chest constricted and I felt bad. His head held low and his shoulders slumped. He kicked a rock on his way and disappeared.

"You guys are assholes," I told my friends.

They both shrugged, grins still plastered on their faces.

"We had to be thorough to make sure he wouldn't try to socialize with us again." Tyler explained.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want him to have false hope." Mike said before laughing again.

That following week, Mike and Tyler spread the news of our encounter, exaggerating and changing some of the details, and people started teasing Jasper even more.

As I hung out with the clan in the cafeteria that day, I sporadically glanced toward the back table. I had this inexplicable need to see him, to make sure that he was okay with the ridiculous magnitude of the rumors. But he never showed up to lunch.

I went to my biology class feeling worried. Mike was following behind me, trying to get me into a conversation but I hurried to class. I was glad when I spotted Jasper's blond curls in the far back of the room. I sat at my regular table and Mike came next to me. He elbowed me when he saw Lauren walking toward us. Mike had the biggest crush on her. Actually, most of the male student body had a huge crush on her. And she knew it.

"Hi Edward," she said in a high pitch voice as she threw her hair back. "Hey Mike," she mumbled then.

She glanced back to Jasper before smiling at us with an evil look.

"He's such a freak," she told us in a loud voice.

I knew that Jasper could hear her. Mike nodded eagerly and added his own insults. They were both purposefully talking brashly and it bothered me.

"I can't believe that he actually thought you would play ball with him. It's absurd. How could he think he could be your friend?" Lauren asked with a look of disgust. Then, she leaned closer to me and placed her hand on my arm. "You are the coolest kid in town. He should know it would never happened."

I pulled my arm away from her and glared at her. I realized at this instant that I despised everything about this girl: her fake high voice, her flirtatious ways, her malicious smiles, her wicked glares, and her utter meanness.

"Class is gonna start. You should go to your seat." I cut her off harshly before opening my notebook.

Lauren's eyes widened for a second before she could control herself. Then she smiled at us once more as if nothing had happened and walked away. I could feel Mike's eyes burning the side of my face so I turned to look at him.

"What the hell?" he hissed.

I shrugged. "She's annoying."

Mike shook his head in disbelief.

I glanced from the corner of my eyes to see Jasper. He was still writing in his notebook and seemed completely unaware of what had just taken place.

I sighed, both relieved that he might not have heard Lauren and Mike after all, and frustrated that he might not have seen me putting her back in her place.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

On Saturday, mom woke me up early. As every Saturday, I was leaving with dad to go to the hospital. I had started volunteering there last summer. I loved the hospital, watching doctors and nurses care for patients, and I knew that I wanted to be a doctor like my dad when I grew up. Luckily, biology was already my favorite subject and I was really good at it.

Once at the hospital, dad ruffled with my hair a little before leaving me. I knew he was overjoyed with the fact that I wanted to follow into his footsteps. Every Saturday, I could see pride in his eyes as we arrived at the hospital. Dad headed toward his office and I turned left and walked to Ms. Pearl's office. She was the head nurse. As I reached her, I noticed blond waves behind the counter.

I stopped short and stared.

"Hey, Edward," Ms. Pearl greeted me happily but my eyes were glued on the boy next to her. His blue eyes met mine momentarily, and I felt like a shock jolting into me. The boy swiftly lowered his gaze, his face crunched up into worried lines. I continued to stare as he turned around and left as quickly as he could, without acknowledging me.

"Do you know, Jasper? His mom is one of my new nurses and she wanted her son to be more active. So he's gonna be helping on Saturdays too." She informed me with genuine excitement when she noticed that my eyes followed him walking away.

"We have a few classes together." I told her nervously. I didn't want to tell her how badly people treated him in school.

Ms. Pearl explained what rooms I would have to bring food to, and I listened with only one ear, my attention still focused on Jasper. I saw him at the end of the hallway, collecting dirty sheets and bringing them into the closet.

I took the chart from Ms. Pearl, said thank you, and headed straight for the closet where Jasper had just disappeared into. I didn't know why I was looking for him. I just felt like I had to, as if something pulled me to him. I opened the door and realized the light was off. My eyes scanned the dark room for a sign of Jasper but I couldn't see anything.

"Jasper," I whispered.

I waited for an answer but he didn't say anything back. I wondered if I had missed him coming back out. But suddenly, I heard snuffling and I could discern a black lump on the floor against the wall. I approached him slowly and crouched down.

"Uhm," I thought of what to say to him but then I heard him sniff again. "Are you okay?"

The lump of body moved and I could finally see his face right in front of me. His eyes glimmered, even in the darkness of the room.

"Leave me alone," he croaked.

I stared at him but didn't move. I felt like I should say something to make him feel better, like I had always wanted to in school. Now could be my opportunity.

"Why are you crying?" I asked in a low voice.

He snorted. Or snickered. I wasn't sure. But it made me feel uncomfortable. I got up and reached for the door, suddenly feeling really weird and nervous about being here with him.

"Why do you all make fun of me all the time?" he suddenly asked me as my hand was about to turn the doorknob open.

I span around to look at him. My eyes had finally gotten used to the dim lighting in the closet. I saw his small body on the floor, and how his arms were holding tightly around his bent legs. He had his chin on top of his knees and he was staring at me with wide, blue eyes.

He suddenly looked so frail, the opposite of the way he held himself in school, and I felt my chest tug painfully. I shook my head at loss of words. He looked so sad and I had nothing to say to him. I walked back closer to him, somehow hoping that our nearness would help.

"I don't know why." I stated the obvious just to say something.

I crouched once again so that we could be at eye level. We stared at each other, and I felt a deep intensity simmer between us. I saw a tear roll down his cheek and I suddenly felt sad too. I raised my thumb to his face and dried his tear away. He squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered.

"Don't tell anyone I've been crying." He asked in a shaky whisper.

"I won't. Promise." I replied in earnest.

He nodded, his eyes still closed. I sat next to him against the wall and placed an arm around his shoulder, hoping to comfort him. I felt his muscles slowly relax as he gradually let his body lean against my side.

We stayed a long while like this, my arm around him, silence and darkness all around us. Then we both got up and went back to our chores without another word.

**Please REVIEW!**

**Thank You a Billions to ALL of you who are reading and have already reviewed! It's a beautiful gift to hear from you :)**

**Somebody asked if I'll write in JPOV. So far, I don't think so, but we never know...**


	3. Chapter 3

**One important disclosure I forgot to say: All characters belong to SM!**

CHAPTER 3

On Monday, I was nervous to go back to school. Somehow, I didn't know how I should act in school anymore. All I was sure of was that whatever had happened in that closet wasn't something I could forsake. It had been special, even if I didn't understand what it all meant, and I couldn't act as if nothing had happened.

I wondered what I should say to Jasper when I'd see him in class. And then I worried if he would even care at all about what had occurred in that closet. My anxiety flared as I thought about my friends. What would they think when they found out that I had actually spent time with Jasper on Saturday? Would I be outcast as well? Shun by people who had known me my whole life?

I reached school and inhaled deeply, silencing my nerve-wracking thoughts as best as possible. I walked to the front of the building where Mike and Tyler were already there with the girls. I met up with them and chatted casually about the test we had tomorrow in history.

All the meanwhile, I paid close attention to my surrounding. I immediately noticed Jasper approach. My whole body reacted and I felt my heart pounding forcefully against my chest as my eyes followed his every moves. I felt frozen in place, awaiting my fate with utter panic.

Jasper neared and my breathing stopped completely. I looked at him, waiting for our gazes to finally meet, but he passed straight by us and continued his path to class. His eyes were deliberately trained ahead as he ignored us; ignored me. I was stunned when his steps didn't falter and his gaze didn't even glance my way momentarily. It was as if he hadn't seen me. As if nothing had ever happened on Saturday. And even though I felt relief wash over me, another sort of unease settled in the pit of my stomach. I felt weird in a bad way, and I didn't know why.

"One day, I'm gonna snap and punch him," Mike hissed next to me, and I startled back to reality. I frowned completely shocked by the magnitude of his hatred and the violence in his words.

"What happened?" I asked in alarm. I felt my body ache with dread and disgust.

"I can't stand the sight of him. He gives me the creeps. And the way he doesn't give a damn about anything, like he thinks he's better than us or something."

I thought about how Jasper had cried on Saturday at the hospital, and a pang stabbed through my chest. I knew how our words were affecting him on the inside and I had witnessed how broken he had felt then. Even through his nonchalance, I was aware that he was bothered now too. He was hurting and offended by people's behaviors and words.

But I couldn't tell Mike and Tyler about it. I couldn't tell anyone. Because Jasper had made me promise to keep it a secret.

Utterly furious by their misjudgment, I kept shut and dashed towards class, feeling edgy. I pinched my lips shut in order to not yell and I buried my clenched fists deep into my pockets. I blocked their words out as they talked horribly about this guy I seemed obsessed about.

He was already there, in class, sitting in the back. I couldn't help but look his way. I felt disappointed when he didn't raise his eyes. I felt perplexed, and admittedly a little offended, as to why Jasper hadn't said hi to me in the morning. He was ignoring me as if I were like everybody else, as if we had never shared time together. And this upset me more than it should.

During the whole class, I glimpsed at him. I searched for the pain and sadness that I had witnessed in that closet. But I couldn't see any emotions. His demeanor was so composed and nonchalant that I couldn't even recognize the boy that had cried in my arms.

As the days passed, I realized that Jasper and I wouldn't start socializing at school. Neither of us had even attempted to acknowledge the other. We didn't talk nor exchange any glances. I didn't start to say hi to him and he kept his usual seat far in the back and didn't speak to anyone. But even though nothing had changed at school, his name crossed my mind more than once, and I couldn't stop observing him secretly at every chance I had.

On Thursday, as I were walking to my car after school, I heard Demetri and Felix, two of the meanest seniors in school, whisper about Jasper. I looked around and saw them heading towards him, James and Laurent right behind them.

"Hey, you freak, I bet you enjoy humping cows from behind?" Demetri yelled from one side of the parking lot.

I watched, along with the others, as Jasper continued to walk toward his truck without a glare back. It was as if he hadn't even heard them.

Felix yelled. "Do you like to fuck horses too?" The four of them laughed.

Mike next to me started laughing also, as well as most of the students who were witnessing the incident.

"Oh man, the cowboy must _loooove _his pets," Lauren snickered behind us.

Flames busted in my chest as I saw red. I was so angry and my entire body tensed with pure fury. I felt like I wanted to punch somebody. Instead, I focused on how steady and poised Jasper appeared as he ignored the voices mocking him. He reached his truck and entered it.

"What's wrong?" I suddenly heard Jessica ask. I noticed all of my friends' eyes on me.

"I can't believe people are laughing with these idiots. We've always hated them and now you think what they're doing is cool? This isn't funny!" I practically screamed.

"Oh come on, you need to chill out a little. It was a stupid joke. Everybody's laughing except you." Mike belittled my opinion.

I felt sick and utterly powerless. I dashed to my car, slamming the door behind me. I continued to watch the horrific scene from the car, as people ridiculed and pointed to Jasper.

Through his car window, I saw his eyes flicker in my directions for a fraction of a second. The intensity of his gaze pierced straight through my core. I felt the anger blend into sadness, my boiling blood morphing into igneous rock, making it difficult to breathe. His gaze was dark and lifeless, the coldness made my heart drop. And then, just as quickly, our eye contact broke, and he drove away.

I felt a wave of guilt and shame take over me. All I wanted was to make him feel better, because, somehow, his pain was becoming mine.

**Enormous THANKS to all of you who reviewed! Your kind words and encouragement mean so much to me :)**


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Saturday came and I woke before mom came to my room. I felt this determination to get to the hospital as soon as possible. There was a sense of urgency. I needed to see Jasper.

Mom and dad looked at me curiously as I rushed passed them and hurried to the car. Dad strolled to the driver's seat with a smirk on his face. Once he finally got into the Mercedes and started the car, he peeked at me and smiled.

"Is there somebody special waiting for you at the hospital?" he asked in a teasing tone that irked me.

My eyes widened. " What? No! Why?" I spurted out.

There was amusement in his sparkling eyes. "Is it that girl from last week? The one with the curly hair who waved at you?"

I vaguely remembered a girl from one of the patients' room chatting with me. But I couldn't remember what she looked like or what we talked about.

"No, dad. There's nobody. I'm just looking forward to work. Ms. Pearl is going to show me how to bandage properly." I lied shamelessly, trying to get him off of my back.

He glanced at me once more, silently, and then turned his attention to the road.

When we arrived at the hospital and we parted ways, my steps became heavy with unease. I didn't know if he were going to be here, and I didn't know if he would even want to see me or spend time with me in the closet.

He probably hated me for not defending him in school. I felt an uncomfortable nudge in my stomach at the thought that he might not want to have anything to do with me.

Ms. Pearl beamed at me as usual and instructed me on what needed to be done. As I listened to her, Jasper passed by us and continued on his way. Again, he didn't look at me. I watched him as he slowly made his way down the long corridor and went into the closet room.

Once the explanation from Ms. Pearl was over, I quickly shuffled down the hallway. Maria, one of the kitchen staff that mom knew, was pushing a tray as I passed her. I noticed there were some cookies on her tray. I paused to ask her if I could have some. She surveyed who was around before giving me three and winking at me. I thanked her as I placed the cookies in my pocket before rushing to that fateful closet.

I entered quickly and was suddenly faced with a very livid Jasper. He glared at me, his angry eyes fixed on me. I gulped and lowered my eyes.

"Whatcha doin' here?" he questioned with hostility.

It was dark in the room and when I raised my eyes up to look at him again, I faintly saw the multitude of emotions drawn on his face. All these feelings that I had looked for during the week, that had been so deeply hidden at school, were all plainly visible now.

"I sneaked some cookies from the kitchen," I stated, ignoring his anger. "You want some?"

He eyed me suspiciously and I took them out of my pocket. I threw one over to him. He caught it and looked back at me, a few wrinkles crumpled on his forehead as he studied me, unsure and confused. My hand instinctively went to my hair and brushed it nervously. To busy myself, I opened the wrapping, trying in vain to ignore his eyes glued on me, and bit into the cookie. I grimaced as I realized they were not the chocolate chip cookies I expected. I heard him snort and I peeked towards him.

"Dontcha hate when you think they're chocolate cookies and then end up bitin' into raisin oatmeal?" he said to me in a friendly southern accent.

One side of my lips lifted. "I hate it so much. I feel deceived. I couldn't wait for the taste of chocolate and then all I get is some disgusting healthy fraud." I laughed.

He smiled then and I couldn't help but watch him as his face lit up. I realized for the first time that he was really good-looking.

He started and his brows furrowed warily. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

I swiftly looked away, feeling myself blush involuntarily. "I never saw you smile before." I explained in a low voice.

"Oh," he said. His face darkened once again and I hated myself for bringing back bad memories. All I wanted was for him to smile again.

"Sorry," I whispered. I was apologizing for so much more: for letting Mike and Tyler tease him in the park, for not saying hi to him at school, and for what had happened on Thursday with Demetri and Felix.

He shrugged. "I'm not mad at you."

"But I should've stopped them. I should've-" I started to explain, guilt barging in my guts, before he cut me off.

"Stop it. It was no big deal. Have you never heard that sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never-"

"Jasper," I called over his voice to silence him. He met my eyes and I saw the glint of pain shimmering in his eyes. "Words hurt too. And these jerks should've never said that to you."

His stiff body slumped as he exhaled. He lowered his eyes to the floor.

"I'm really sorry," I avowed once more. I wanted to take all his pain away.

He shook his face and looked at me with determination. "If I ain't gonna let myself feel lower than a doodle bug, you're not allowed to apologize. And there are new rules in here: no mention of school in this closet, and we can't mention _this_ outside of it." He stated with vigor. His accent was thicker when he was persistent, and the musical sound was buzzing in my ears. "It could be our secret."

My own eyebrows furrowed this time and I stared at him in disbelief. I didn't like his rules, nor did I understand his reasoning. But I acquiesced nonetheless. There was something about him that made me want to give him what he wanted.

I stayed shut, thinking about why he wanted to keep this secret. I watched him eat and he kept his eyes trained on his food. He was tall, about the same height as me, and his wavy blond hair were long enough to hide some of his face. But I could still discern the tight lines of grief taunting his face.

My chest contracted at the sight. I bit my lip nervously, thinking about something to say that wouldn't upset him. I wanted him to smile again.

"A doodle bug?" I suddenly said to break the heavy silence. He peeked up at me in surprise. I smiled. "Really?" I teased as I arched an eyebrow up.

His body relaxed and his lips spread back into a small, tentative smile.

"Stop mockin' my superior English dexterity." He joked, throwing a piece of raisin at me. It hit me straight on my forehead and we both started laughing again. I quickly broke a piece of my cookie and threw it back at him, a many more crumbs flew around.

I really liked seeing him happy. The blue of his eyes twinkled like a summer day at the beach.

"You have beautiful eyes," I blurted out without thinking.

He froze and his intense eyes locked into mine. I felt weird and my face heated up once again. Then, the most beautiful smile stretched over his face.

"Green eyes are pretty damn cool too."

I couldn't contain my own wide smile. His happiness was so contagious, and being around him when he was smiling was the best feeling in the world.

He rolled his eyes then with a giggle. I threw my last piece of cookie at him and he ducked, laughing wholeheartedly.

**I was really touched by all of your reviews and all of your comments against bullying. As one of the reader mentioned, another girl recently committed suicide because of being bullied. It is an extremely serious and harmful issue. Bystanders are just as much a part of this issue. If you witness or hear of bullying around you, denounce the offenders so that it can stop before it's too late.**


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

_I watched as my childhood friends beat Jasper in front of me. I tried to move to get to him, to protect him, but I was hopelessly rooted to the cold granite beneath my feet. I pulled my legs upward with all my might but nothing moved. I was glued, dreadfully paralyzed to my spot. I heard him yelp and watched, appalled, as Mike punched Jasper in the guts with devilish force. Jasper hunched over, his arms braced around his stomach. He spat blood to the ground and I saw red. Fire exploded in my tearing limbs and I tried to run to him. My feet still cemented to the ground, I fell over. Panic and defeat burdened my insides. My heart raced with wrath, begging furiously to get closer, wanting and needing to help him. I looked up in time to see Tyler kicking Jasper from behind. Jasper tumbled forward and fell on all four. I pulled myself onto my knees, the frustration of being powerless sliced through my wrenching guts. Inferno carved my core with utter ache. Mike and Tyler relentlessly kicked Jasper, who was already down, bloody and helpless. I screamed and screamed, feeling moisture roll down my disgusted face. Mike and Tyler's laughter echoed all around. I screamed louder and Jasper's eyes fluttered open. His eyes bore into mine, pain and desperation painting them icy blue._

"_I'm sorry, Jasper. I'm so sorry," I cried._

The alarm clock rang and I started awake, trembling and sweating. I listened to the piercing bell as I shook away the memory of the nightmare. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. _It was just a dream, _I thought. But the unease settled low in my guts and I felt ill.

I dragged myself to the shower and reminded myself that today was Saturday. I would get to actually be with Jasper today, and that thought made me feel a little better.

It was a rainy and my hair was damp and messy. Once I got to the hospital, I left my raincoat in dad's office and used a towel to dry my hair before heading down the hallway to Ms. Pearl. She gave me my assignments for the day and then I headed towards the closet, a quick stop by the kitchen first to get munchies from the fridge.

When I opened the door to the closet, the light was on and Jasper was leaning against the wall with his earphones on. His eyes were closed and he was singing along a country song and tapping his foot on the floor in time with the music.

Jasper hadn't noticed me yet and I took the opportunity to allow my eyes to roam over him. There was such a special kind of beauty to him that made me want to watch him for hours. I smiled, feeling my worries and constant ache lessen, as I noticed that he had his "closet" look: serene and content.

He was a good-looking guy no matter where he was, but in school, he always sported a cold, detached appearance as way to protect himself. His features were hard and taciturn in order to defy the daily harassments and malice of classmates. Right now, sitting here in the closet, for my eyes only, he looked angelic. His facial lines were smoothed and his tender skin glowed like the sun. His honey blond curls bounced lightly and his pink lips mouthed country words in an attractive twang.

He started singing louder to the chorus of some old fashion country song. Immediately, my lips spread into a grin and I chuckled at the sight. Jasper's magnetic blue eyes snapped open and locked with mine in an instant. I felt my heart beat strongly at the connection.

His eyes narrowed and he gave me a stern, though playful, look. I threw my hands up in the air and shook my head as to apologize for laughing at him, even though my whole body was still shaking with amusement.

His serious face broke into that impressive grin I only recently came to know, and the room became brighter.

"What the hell are you listening to?" I chuckled.

He pulled his earphones out. "Ya wouldn't understand. You need a heart and soul to get it." He teased back, a small smile on his lips.

I rolled my eyes and slumped down next to him against the wall. We were close enough for our shoulders and legs to touch, but somehow it was accepted that we stayed near each other inside the closet. I felt myself relax at the warmth and comfort.

I offered him one of the puddings and his smile grew wider.

"Thanks. The chocolate ones are my favorite."

"I know." I said before opening mine and digging my spoon into it.

He glanced sideway and looked at me for a second before digging into his own pudding. I forced my blush to abstain.

Jasper and I didn't talk much about feelings, or the meaning of _this_. Our friendship - secret, hidden, unmentionable friendship - that only happened on Saturdays, was not like any other relationships I'd ever had. I felt closer to him than anyone else, even with the secrecy and the fact that I had only started spending time with him two meager months ago. My body and mind bizarrely felt uninhibited and relaxed only when near him.

After the cookie fight, and those annoying rules that Jasper had set, it had just been a given that we would meet secretly in the closet every Saturdays before starting our chores. I would grab food from the kitchen before quickly joining him in our private space. We would sit on the floor against the wall, shoulders against shoulders, eating and talking about video games and music. I asked a lot about Texas, and his life over there. He told me about his friend Peter and his cousin Rosalie and how he missed them.

"So now that I got you _chocolate_ pudding, why don't you tell me about that song you were singing," I pressed with a smile.

He peeked at me again, a small twinkle making his usually dark blue eyes appear a lovely azure color.

"You really wanna know?" he asked, suddenly uncertain.

I nodded, my eyes still fixated on his. He gave me one of his headphones and I took it from him. The music that reached my ear was unfamiliar and the simple harmonies of the ballade made me feel a little sad. Jasper's voice suddenly accompanied the singer, and I closed my eyes, listening to Jasper's smooth voice as it shared his melancholy with me. It was as if he was letting me in, confessing his loneliness and heartache. I felt it along with him and wanted to make the sadness go away.

Instinctively, I stretched my hand and caressed my fingers over his hand that was casually placed over his legs. His voice wavered lightly before regaining full control. He spread his hand, palm up, and my hand gently brushed against his soft one. The contact brought warmth to my body. We intertwined our fingers and I closed my hand, feeling his heat inside of my hold. His voice continued to sing sweet sorrows. I squeezed harder, suddenly wanting to let him know that he wasn't alone, that he didn't need to feel desolate like the man in the song. He squeezed back as he continued to sing. My fingers continued to explore his hand with light caresses, as his voice dazzled my senses.

I didn't know if it helped him but the feeling inside of me surprised me. I felt the connection with him spread like electricity. It was as if he accepted me for me, as if we were a pair and I was finally complete. I wanted nothing else than to be here, with him, at this very moment. It felt perfect.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

I didn't know when and how Saturdays started to become the most important day of the week. It seemed like everything in between was about waiting for that moment. An anxious energy constantly buzzed in my veins, making me feel impatient and edgy. There was a sense of anticipation sizzling in my body, making me feel restless and jittery all the time.

I started to count the days, the hours, the minutes until the next time I would be in that closet. It was the only time, the only place, where I could feel calm and composed. Once I would sit there, Jasper by my side, every single molecule in my body finally settled into a serene wellbeing. The rising anxiety would immediately vanish, and I would feel happy at last.

Today, everything irritated me even more. It was the last week of school and, although excitement was buzzing all over, I felt worst than ever. I felt tensed and grumpy, and I had no patience at all.

I knew _he _had everything to do with it. I used to always look forward to summer. Now, I felt my guts twist into a wrenching pang at the thought of spending two months away from _him. _I didn't want to leave, and I dreaded that Saturdays wouldn't mean anything special anymore.

My inner torment made me feel edgy and sullen, so when Tyler, Eric and I walked out of math class and saw Mike and Jasper in a staring contest, I almost snapped at once. Jasper was cornered and Mike was hissing "so what are you gonna do about it?". I felt fumes steaming out of my heated body.

I surveyed Jasper's expression and all I could notice was exasperation. There was no anger or pain in his face. He held his enemy's glare without any word. There was no fear in him either. He was simply waiting for Mike to be done so he could move on too.

I hurried quickly, leaving the others behind.

"Mike!" I called, involuntarily coating the word with venom.

He turned around and looked at me with confusion, his wide eyes full of surprise. I kept my eyes on the offender even when I sensed that Tyler and Eric were at my side, their perplexed eyes on me as well.

I wished Jasper would look at me, that he would approve of my interference. But his eyes didn't move. He continued to look at Mike.

"Forget about him and let's go. I'm starving." I said for lack of a smarter comeback.

Mike frowned and looked back at his victim. He leaned a little closer to him and I felt the blood pumping inside of me. Anger flared. I watched Jasper now. His face was still plastered with a bored, emotionless expression. His body appeared so tall and confident as he stared down at Mike without a flinch.

Mike hissed: "This is not over." Then he span around and left.

"What the fuck, Edward!" Mike complained as we walked towards the cafeteria.

I flinched and my fists clenched. I glared at him before stomping towards the table where the rest of the group was. I sat in a corner, ignoring everybody.

"We should all go to the beach on Saturday to celebrate the end of the year," Jessica's voice reached my ears.

I barely listened to their antics. I felt anxious anew at the mention of summer. I scanned the yard until my eyes fell upon the blond curls I was looking for. My eyes took him in and my heart picked up a little. He was sitting in the grass, his back leaning against a tree, and his eyes were closed. The rare sunlight brightened him as if they belonged together. His curls became golden, the worry lines on his face smoothed, and his sunkissed tan glowed.

"Edward?" Angela called cautiously. I blinked and turned to face my friends, feeling my face blush a little at the shameful gawking.

"What's wrong with you lately," Lauren lashed out.

"Yeah, you changed, man," Tyler added.

I noticed Mike glare at me from the corner of my eyes, an angry frown on his face.

I raked my fingers into my unruly hair and looked at each of the faces around the table.

Angela cleared her throat. "So, uhm, you're coming with us on Saturday, right?"

I shook my head. "I can't. It's my last day at the hospital. I have to go."

*******_öö_***

I was sitting Indian style in the middle of the closet, eating a bag of sliced apples, when Jasper showed up. At the sound of the door opening, I halted all movement, waiting eagerly for him to enter the room. My insides craving for the peace he would provide me with.

His eyes found mine immediately and there was intensity in his ocean gaze. He sat down, mirroring my pose in front of me. We faced each other, and he reached into the bag and grabbed a piece of apple. His knees pressed lightly against mine.

I stared at him, wanting to memorize each line and each curve of his face. I wanted to carve his image into my brain so I could take it with me, during that long, dreadful summer.

I felt his knees nudging me gently, as if he knew I was worrying. I sighed and let the warmth loosen my muscles.

"So you're not at the beach," he mused quietly before biting into the apple.

I shook my head.

"I thought you would go with your friends."

I kept my eyes vigilantly on him.

"You're my friend." I stated.

"The beach is a lot more fun than a dirty closet." He retorted.

"This closet is the happiest place I know." I confessed.

"You should've gone with them," he stated then.

I shook my head vehemently.

"I wanted to be with you." I declared with too much vigor.

He paused, silence hanging heavy between the two of us. His bewildered eyes searched into mine. I felt tense as he continued his scrutiny.

"Don't mess up things with them because of me."

"They're jerks."

"You shouldn't have interfered the other day," he reproached.

"I can't stand not doing anything."

"It's not your battle."

"But I care for you."

He froze.

I lowered my eyes, unsure and nervous. I couldn't express what I really wanted to say. I couldn't explain the absolute need and anxiety that constantly twirled in me.

"Don't you care for me?" I mumbled, feeling utterly exposed.

I peeked up through my lashes and instantly got lost inside his stormy eyes, wide with emotions, as he stared back at me. His breathing seemed labored.

He nodded slowly.

"More than anything," he replied in earnest. He leaned closer and placed his warm hand on my leg with affection. His voice sounded huskier than usual.

A stream of bliss filled me up, heat enveloping me whole. My heart raced. He was so close and his hand was sending waves of tingles up my leg. I automatically covered his hand with my own and squeezed hard to convey how strongly his words touched me.

My eyes were captured into his, and a strong kind of electricity passed between us. I felt nervous in a new, different kind of way. His eyes were dark and piercing. I shivered.

Then he suddenly rose and moved away from me.

"So I guess we should go and do those rounds, and say goodbye to everybody," he mumbled.

I looked at him full of disappointment, still sitting in the middle of the room. The sudden void hurt. He glanced my way and then his expression brightened.

"Come on, Edward, let's get this over with," he smiled and stretched his arm toward me.

The way he looked at me was soothing and I felt myself relax. I reached for his extended hand and he helped me up. Our hands locked for longer than expected and I memorized the sensation of his soft touch against my skin.

I didn't want to let go. But I knew I had to.

**So... i hope this helped alleviate some of your anger/frustration towards Edward...**

**As always: Thanks for your reviews. I read each and every one of them!**


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Summer was a long, continuous aching. As I spent two weeks at the beach with my parents, I couldn't enjoy the sun without thinking of _his_ tanned skin, and the white sand reminded me of _his_ long, beautiful curls. I stared at the ocean and all I wanted was to be lost inside of Jasper's captive gaze. And when I flew to Chicago to spend the rest of the vacation with my grandparents, I wandered aimlessly around the city, feeling lonelier than ever. The vast city made me feel small and insignificant. I felt that constant pull tearing at my limbs, urging me back to Forks, to that hospital, to _our_ closet.

With each thump of my heart, my core throbbed with longing, with each breath, my chest twisted with persistent yen. I couldn't find solace in sleep and I was too restless and antsy to enjoy any of my free time. I was a constant ball of nerves and melancholy.

The more I felt and the more I thought, I knew what I had with Jasper was different. He was my friend, yes. I liked talking to him and had fun with him. But I also knew that these intense emotions, and that permanent yearning that filled my body entirely, was something completely new to me. There was something more, something that made me think of him at all times, something that made me want to be near him, something that made me feel empty and lost and hurt when I was far away from him.

And then, one sleepless night, it dawned on me. Suddenly, everything made sense: the cause of these feelings, the reason I always watched Jasper, and the way my body instinctively reacted to him. I sat on my bed, in my grandparents house, enveloped by darkness. I felt myself expand with the revelation. I felt my weak pores patch themselves together as I realized the depth of my own soul. My chest clamped as acceptance fizzled in me. I thought for a long time about the implications of this discovery. I reveled in the sudden knowledge that I was gay.

When the end of the summer arrived, and I got back home to Forks, I kept quiet about my discovery. Grandma and grandpa were too old-fashioned and too religious; I worried they wouldn't accept. And mom and dad were caring and supportive, but too hopeful for my perfect mainstreamed future; I worried I would disappoint them. So I didn't say a word about it.

But as I laid down in bed, all I could think about was how much I had grown during these two tormenting months away, and how much more I understood myself now. I felt the same and yet so different as before summer. I wondered if people could see the change. I wondered what school would be like now. My stomach turned and churned. I didn't want to deal with my old friends. Mike and Tyler. Lauren and Jessica. Even the sweet couple Angela and Ben.

The only person I wanted to see was Jasper. My stomach suddenly flurried at the thought of seeing him again. I was afraid, afraid that this new revelation would change things, that he would hate me for feeling this way towards him, that this would ruin everything between us. I felt prickling bubbles in my guts at the thought. My breathing hitched and my chest twisted with doubts and questions.

The next morning, I got to school early. And so did everybody else. The parking lot was packed with students hugging, laughing, hollering across the lot for friends to join them.

I heard my own name being called and I looked around to find Mike and Lauren, hand in hand, smiling at me. I forced a smile and pretended to search for something in the backseat to avoid them. They made their way towards me and I reluctantly greeted them. As they talked loudly and with excitement, I scanned the lot in search of _his_ truck. It was parked a few cars down and my heart leaped. As Lauren announced enthusiastically that she and Mike were a couple now, my eyes frantically perused the yard for him. Mike explained how they started dating during the summer and how happy they were. I nodded distractedly and continued to smile, but my insides boiled with apprehension. Jasper wasn't outside.

I started walking to the building, feeling nervous and eager and impossibly craving to see him. Mike and Lauren both followed me, their rant continuously flowing. I headed toward my biology class and they finally stopped, telling me they had English first. We finally separated and I reached my class, my insides a jumble of nerves.

As soon as I entered, my eyes, like magnets, immediately fell upon him. He was the same, beautiful self, sitting in the back by himself. His face was lowered down and his long sandy hair shielded him. As my eyes stayed glued on him, I tried to breathe normally while concentrating on keeping my facial expression neutral.

Somebody shove me to pass by and I realized I was still standing at the door. Gingerly, I moved my wobbly legs into the classroom. My body was being lured towards him, but my mind and trepidation were coaxing me to stay as far away from him.

As if aware of my presence, Jasper lifted his head up and I instantly felt jolts of excitement fizz in my body. Our eyes locked and everything froze around me. We didn't smile at each other, we didn't greet each other the way everybody else had been doing after the months away. We didn't say anything. But our gaze said everything we weren't able to. I could see it all in the glow of his eyes, and I knew that there must be a similar sparkle in my own eyes. The happiness that I felt at finally seeing him again was unprecedented.

Suddenly, all doubts and worries disappeared; I _needed_ to sit next to him. Last year's pattern had to be broken because I couldn't pretend I didn't know him. I couldn't ignore him.

Our eyes still locked, I advanced towards him, and I felt empowered and good and free.

"Mr. Cullen, why don't you sit with Ms. Swan over there," the teacher abruptly called out, pointing to a table with a girl I had never seen before. I looked at her and then looked back at Jasper. He was looking down once again, our connection broken. I watched him as he placed his book bag on the other side of the table, making it unavailable for somebody to join him. His expression was once again blank as he took out that same old notebook as last year and started writing in it.

A faint fissure cut through my chest as frustration and disappointment, and maybe even rejection, settled in my guts.

I turned around and went to sit next to the new girl, not glancing back at Jasper. The new girl smiled at me, a faint blush on her porcelain's face, as she shyly introduced herself. I glared and barked my name at her before turning away, unfairly channeling my anger at her.

But I was angry. I was angry at the teacher, at this Isabella girl, at Jasper. But mostly, I was angry with myself.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

I was sullen. It was the only word that described the overwhelming negativity that oozed through my core, my brooding mood weighting heavy on my limbs, and the constant sting of annoyance that blazed whenever I witnessed somebody smile.

I went home after that first day back in school and locked myself in my room. Buried under my covers, I cried, frustration tensing and twisting, defeat burning and aching, right through my heart. I despised the longing I felt for him. I hated how my body reacted to him with such vigor. I scorned at all of these new found urges. This unyielding need for something that would never happen was eating me alive. I desired something that was unreachable. I wanted Jasper. I wanted his friendship, his attention, his smiles. I wanted his caresses and shared gazes. I wanted his love. But I knew I would never have it.

I squeezed my drenched eyes as I remembered Jasper's low voice as he told me to never mention our times together outside of the closet. I heard his words echo once again in my mind, begging that this should be our secret.

I sighed and tried to be satisfied with what I already had: hidden, secretive rendezvous on Saturdays. I liked these private moments. I loved the way we laughed in unison. I reveled in those fleeting exchanges, when our bodies touched, my shoulder brushing against his, my legs pressing his, our fingers innocently caressing and teasing each other.

I dried my tears as the fluttering memories of our times shared together soothed me. All I could hope for was that I would at least still have my time with him in the closet, even when I knew that he would never want to have a friendship outside of it.

When I got to the hospital bright and early that Saturday, I stepped into the main lobby feeling a myriad of emotions. I agonized with the fear that he wouldn't be here, scared that he wouldn't want to spend time with me, even here, in the hospital. The boulder stuck in the pit of my stomach made it hard to breathe. I pleaded the unknown, begging that Jasper would be here.

As I walked to the head nurse's office, many of the nurses and some of the doctors welcomed me back, but their voices were muffled through a cloud of panic. Ms. Pearl hugged me wholeheartedly, and my body barely registered the chubby arms embracing me. She explained my new duties and she showed me a database on the computer with charts that recorded each patient's medical prescriptions. I listened vaguely, my eyes unconsciously drifting towards the end of the hallway, to that closet.

Ms. Pearl stopped talking and was hovering over me, smiling.

"So, have you seen Jasper yet?" she said with a smile.

My heart jumped at the mention of his name, suddenly pulled back to her words. I could feel Ms. Pearl's eyes on me as she waited for an answer. I stared at the computer and shook my head.

"No, not yet. Is he here on Saturdays again?" I asked, hoping that she didn't notice the quiver in my voice.

She smiled and nodded. "Yep. And he got here bright and early too, today." She said thoughtfully, her eyes still on me. I continued to stare intently at the screen to avoid her eyes. My heart was beating like a madman. I heard her sigh loudly next to me.

"Well, I need to check on a few things now. I'll be back later if you have any questions."

I nodded before she left me alone with my thoughts. I exhaled loudly, bringing a shaky hand to pull at my hair. My insides were turning and contorting in a jumble of eagerness and dread.

Jasper was here.

That simple fact got me moving. I got up swiftly and hurried to the closet without another thought. My hand was reaching out for the doorknob when the door suddenly opened. I recoiled, startled, my hand suspended mid air.

And then I saw Jasper step out. And my heart leaped. And I couldn't move at all. And I couldn't form a single, coherent thought in my brain.

I think he jumped a little too when he noticed me in front of the door. We both froze and stared, my eyes caged into his. Time stood still while we were finally facing each other. Only inches stood between us. I dug deep into these blue orbs, seeing glints and hints of emotions I couldn't decipher. I didn't know how long we stayed silent, our eyes searching in the other pair for something. And then the hopes and desires that grew in me were too much. I lowered my eyes as I felt heat creep into my cheeks.

"Were you, uhm, comin' in?" he asked shyly.

I nodded. "Were you leaving?" I asked, my voice barely loud enough to be heard. I wondered if he could hear the disappointment in my voice.

I glanced at him and he stared back at me with intense eyes. I felt vulnerable and excited and scared. Unexpectedly, he moved away from me, and for a short second, I believed he was leaving. Then, he re-opened the door to our closet, going back inside. He left the door ajar and I followed him in, my heart thumping so fast that my whole body was shaking. I closed the door behind me and turned around to see him.

He was leaning against the opposite wall, that wall where we had sat so many times before. His eyes were fixated downward. I leaned against the door, opposite of him, feeling the heavy tension in the room extracting all oxygen from my lungs. I couldn't breath and I couldn't think. I raked my hand in my hair to try to get rid of the nerves. I watched and examined and praised his features. His hands were tense by his side, and I watched when his chest filled up with air, his muscles visible under his shirt, and then he inhaled deeply.

Suddenly, his eyes on me once again and everything around us disappeared. There was this immense, mystifying electricity sizzling between us. The distance suddenly became unbearable and my body ached. In a haste, I pushed myself away from the door and took two quick strides so I could be right in front of him. His eyes were still stuck on me, wide and dark and feral. We were so close now and I could feel him without touching him. I could hear his strained, rapid breathing, identical to mine. The room felt hot and I was burning.

In the next instant, his arms were around me, warm and welcoming, holding me tightly against him. All I could feel and smell and hear was Jasper. I let out a long, thankful exhale as I braced my arms all around him as well. I almost dropped, my knees weak, my heart frentic, at the onslaught of blissful sensations that took over me. It felt miraculous to touch him again, to have him in my arms and to be squeezed into his.

We hugged for a long time, both of our arms gripping and clutching as hard as possible. I felt my body ignite and warm up, my muscles both relaxing with relief and tightening with pleasure all at once. I pulled him closer to me and he grabbed me closer to him. Our bodies were pressed together, connecting everywhere, and it wasn't enough.

"Damn, Edward, I've missed you," he breathed, hot air tickling my ear. I shivered.

"I've missed you too," I confessed in a gasp, burying my nose in his beautiful, scented hair.

**What did you think of their reunion? I hope you liked it. **


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

I was sitting at my desk early for first period. I'd started this new ritual a few weeks ago. From my seat, I had the perfect view of the door, awaiting keenly the instant I would see him again. It was the best and worst moment of my day.

I knew he knew that I waited for him every morning, and that I ogled and relished his every move as he made his way to his desk. As I devoured him with my eyes, fascination burning through my pupils, he kept his expression indifferent, never once showing notice to my gaping. It irritated me to no end. I wanted to see him return my gaze, to feel his eyes pierce through my flesh and bones the way they did in private, in that closet.

I wanted him to want me the way I wanted him. All the time.

I knew he liked me, and that he had missed me during the summer. I knew the connection we had was special. But I still didn't exactly understand what he felt towards me. And I still didn't understand his reasoning for keeping me away from him outside of the closet. I was pretty sure he knew that I liked him in _that _way. That first Saturday back, I had told him how long and lonely my summer had been without him around, and he had tightened his hold on me at my words, our bodies flushed together in wonderful ways. And then, when I had confessed to thinking only of him during these weeks away and expressed how much I needed him near, he had hummed in my hair, triggering a blissful shiver to course through my spine,

The air buzzed around me and, instantly, my mind was brought back to the present. My body was suddenly alert and aware of his proximity. I stared as he stepped into the classroom, my irrational heart lumped in my throat. My eyes darted to his face first, draped behind his hair as usual. I wished to see his eyes and to see a grin. But I couldn't see anything else than a stoic, cool outline of the boy I loved.

This morning, his hair was a shade darker than usual. Wet, straight strands clamped against his tanned skin, making his appearance even more mesmerizing. As I followed a drop trickling off a lock, rolling down his clenched jaw and down to his neck, I swallowed hard, my insides on fire. My fingers ached to replace the drop. I swore I saw his body twitch as if he could feel my eyes burning through his core. His gaze strained to stay forward.

He walked by me then, so near and yet too far, and a swift of his essence came my way. Warmth and spices; serenity and enticement. Fully dazzled, my eyes followed and appreciated the movement of his muscles undulate under his clothes as he made his way to the back of the room. Pure desire rushed through me.

Once he reached his seat, I lost sight of him. My body twirled with angst, only flames and unsatisfied needs remaining. I still hated this: having to stay away from him, ignoring him, pretending that I didn't know him and that I didn't share the most amazing moments of my life with him.

Then Isabella arrived. She smiled at me but kept quiet while settling next to me. I nodded at her, trying to muster a fake smile. I didn't want to mistreat her like the rest of the school did, but I had my own reason to dislike her.

When she had first arrived at Forks High, I'd thought she might be a good thing for Jasper's situation. People were so engrossed with the new girl that they had forgotten to bother Jasper. But then Lauren had ruined everything. She'd heard Mike mention to Tyler that the new girl was cute, and, in a rush of jealousy, she had made sure that nobody would befriend her. Isabella had nowhere to hide and somehow found refuge at Jasper's back corner table in the cafeteria.

And that made me completely, wrenchingly jealous. I resented her for being able to sit so close to the one person I wanted to be with. I envied the innocence of her actions and her guilt-free ability to sit with him. I hated that she was able to smile at him, even though he hadn't even peeked her way, refused to acknowledge her presence at his table.

I was getting so easily peeved now, snapping at feeble comments people made. I had no more sympathy, and desire, to be pleasant or friendly with others. Because the only person I wanted to talk to was blocking me out, forbidding me to come close. The only person who would make me feel calm and happy was the only person I couldn't talk to.

But he allowed Isabella to share his sanctuary.

So today, during lunch, I sat at the far end of the long table I shared with my so-called friends, distancing myself from their irritating rants. I tried concentrating on finishing an essay for English. Nonetheless, I heard Lauren murmur Jasper's name, and I wanted to look up at the mention of his name, but I forced myself not to.

"Look at him," Laurent exclaimed with pure disdain.

They all stared at him, and I dared to peek his way too. He was in his usual seat, in an isolated corner of the cafeteria. His face was casted downward and he was scribbling something in his precious notebook. He didn't look our way. He never did.

Isabella was there too, shamelessly near him. I could easily notice the invisible division between them, but it didn't help soothe the jealousy tearing on the inside.

I watched him as he listened to his iPod, one of his feet rested on the empty chair next to him and his other foot tapped quietly on the floor to the rhythm of the song he was listening to. I couldn't stop remembering the day he had sung for me, my fingers intertwined with his.

I felt my begrudging limbs melt with tenderness at the memory, the thought of Bella vanishing.

"He makes me nervous," Jessica supported. "I think one day, he's gonna come to school and start shooting at people randomly."

My grip on the pencil tightened immensely at the offensive words. The point of the pencil broke. I felt my body tense until no movement was possible.

"Why is he always dressed in black? It's must be a sign," Jessica added.

"And I wonder what he's writing in that notebook of his." Eric supplied.

"A scheme to kill us all," Mike whispered in a creepy way.

Lauren's and Jessica's eyes widened in fright.

I snapped my notebook closed with too much force. A big thump resonated in the cafeteria and my used-to-be friends stared.

"What's the matter, Eddie?" Lauren mocked in a patronizing voice. "You're on your period or what?"

I glared back with pure grit and she snickered. My fingers dig into the cover of the book, my muscles flexed, ready to pounce.

But my rational side knew that fighting and making a scene was the opposite of what _he_ wanted. So, for him, I took a strenuous inhale, and willed my body to calm down.

"Yeah that's right, Lauren, it's _that_ time of the month. Are we finally synchronized because your bitchiness is exceptional today," I barked before packing my stuff and leaving.

Behind me, I could hear Mike and Tyler's stifled giggles. Lauren whined and ordered them to stop laughing.

I felt my own lips tuck upwards as I headed towards my afternoon classes.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

I leaned back against the cold stone wall and turned my head towards him, sitting so close to me that the air I breathed in smelled and tasted like him. I had finished eating my Oreo cookies and watched intently as Jasper took his time savoring his, twisting it open so he could lick the cream on the inside. I liked watching him do that.

I reveled in these private moments, these instances that were only for him and me. There were no classmates to hide from, no Isabella to envy, no rules keeping me away from him. Here, we were together, sharing time and space in our special, secret sanctuary.

I continued to stare, mesmerized, as the dim light of the closet made his sunny Texan features appear a little darker, somewhat more mysterious. I found him sexy at this instant. His pink tongue darted out, his shoulder rubbed against mine, and his adam's apple bobbed attractively. My body unintentionally twitched, that familiar feeling of longing taking over me. He glanced my way and his hand stretched to grab another cookie, his arm accidentally caressing so near where the tension was building. I inhaled sharply, my body flexing and hardening and burning. I looked up and saw the most endearing sparkle in his eyes, an amused smirk on his lips.

I might have been shivering because everything seemed hazy when I looked into his eyes. He kept his glimmering gaze locked into mine as he brought a new cookie to his mouth, slowly licking the cream. His movement were taunting me, a ribbon of fire drifting through me. My heart seemed to reach its limit, ready to explode any seconds now. I bit my lips to retain a moan that threatened to escape. His eyes, painted with a beautiful dark shade, darted to my mouth.

The power of the moment scared me. The pure need to feel him was too much. It was as if the whole room was buzzing with lust.

I tore my eyes away in a state of panic, and my fingers accidentally fell upon that infamous notebook. I took a shaky breath and willed my body to restrain from the temptation to pounce over to my friend and devour him.

"Hey," I whispered, my voice unstable and low, "what's that notebook you always write in?"

I could feel his eyes burning through me, fire gushing out of his gaze. The intensity was definitely still alive in his eyes.

I swallowed with difficulty, every fiber begging for release.

"You're always with it, ever since you got to the school last year," I insisted, trying to diffuse some of that electrifying pull his body had on me.

He looked down to my hand, tapping nervously on his notebook.

"I'm not plotting to bomb the school," he replied in low voice.

I froze, speechless. I think my eyes widened exponentially. He had heard them. He had heard me. I instantly worried that he was mad.

I turned to face him and his gaze raised to meet mine. His gaze was ardent, his eyes dark as night.

"Jasper," I whispered desperately. "I don't think of you like that."

His hand reached for mine on top of that notebook, and he squeezed lightly. He leaned forward then, and placed his other hand to my cheek, his thumb caressing my face. I felt tingles all over.

"I know, Edward," he avowed, his voice smooth and sensual, like velvet on heated flesh.

His eyes twinkled and a magnificent grin spread. My fragile heart skipped a beat or two. I swallowed hard. The heavenly sparkles awakened my body, utterly alert and aroused.

I felt a hand weaving its way to my hair, pulling me closer to him. My eyes got lost into his soul, gravity no longer essential, oxygen no longer needed.

"Jasper," I gasped just before our lips met, smooth and tender. It was blissful warmth and moisture and perfection.

He moaned against me, the vibration adding voltage to the fireworks. I explored and he tasted. I savored and he nibbled. And we kissed, and kissed, and kissed.

When we finally parted, breathless and boneless, he looked at me intently, eyes shimmering with happiness. His cheeks were rosy and his swollen lips were bright red. His hand brushed my disheveled hair back. I could feel his eyes all over me. His thumb then reached for my mouth, gently rubbing my lips.

I blinked a few times, not able to believe that this was real, that my wishes had come true. My hands framed his face with tender and I brought him closer to me, his heavy breathing showering over me. My warm forehead pressed against his, our noses touching softly.

"Jasper," I whispered in awe, unable to form another coherent word.

"I've wanted to kiss you for so long," he said in a husky voice that sent a jolt straight to my heart.

I pulled away a little so I could see him more clearly. He smiled brightly, satisfaction plain on his face. Seeing him so happy was a sight to behold. It was breathtaking. I couldn't resist mirroring his grin, feeling utterly blissful.

"Oh, Jasper, me too. You don't know how many times I've wished for you to kiss me," I whispered back.

I grabbed his hand which was still exploring my face with dazzling brushes, and I tug on it with zeal, enticing him to come near. He leaned in and I eagerly closed the gap once more. My mouth yielding to his, moving into a slow, hypnotic dance. My heart leaped out of my chest, hoping to reach its other half mere inches away. My hands found his hair and weaved themselves in its silkiness. I could feel his needy fingers tugging at my hair as well, caressing my burning flesh, luring me closer and closer to him.

My eyes shut close and I let the amazing sensation take over me. I lost myself completely, wishing that I would never find my way out.

**yay... finally! **

**Please review :)**


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

The following Saturday, I was waiting in the closet before he got there. I couldn't stop thinking about him kissing me, and I wanted more. The week had been way too long, and I was anxious and craving to feel him close to me. The time in between Saturdays were becoming excruciating. It was madness to have to watch him each day in school and restrain myself from going near him.

The closet was my safe haven.

But when Jasper came in, I wasn't greeted with his contagious grin nor the kiss I longed for. He slammed the door shut with force. I stared at him and all I saw was a crumpled face. He looked furious.

He slumped against the door loudly and shut his eyes closed. His fist banged against the door forcefully.

"I hate this fucking town," he hissed.

I stepped towards him cautiously. I needed to make him feel better. I needed to take that pain away from him.

His eyes snapped open and he stared at me a long while. I didn't make any further movement. I wasn't sure if he wanted me near. I didn't even know if he was angry at me. I had no clue as to what had happened.

Suddenly, in one stride, he closed the gap between us, and let his head fall on top of my shoulder. His arms were limp on his sides, and the only part touching me was his forehead against my shoulder. He felt so tensed, as if agony was sucking his life away.

My heart twisted with sorrow. Immediately, I wrapped my arms around him and rubbed circles on his back, trying desperately to soothe him. He buried his face further in the crook between my neck and my shoulder, and he exhaled deeply. His breath showered over me, and my own body jerked with surprised burning. My breath hitched and I felt warmth spread because of how close we were.

Ignoring the rising feelings inside of me, I concentrated on making Jasper feel better. My hand on his back pressed him tighter against me, caressing him gently, and my other hand brushed his hair with tender. I hoped that it felt nice and comforting.

He exhaled deeply again, and I felt his body relax in my embrace. I continued to stroke his hair lightly. He turned his face a little more toward me, snuggling, and his arms wrapped around my waist and squeezed strongly.

Suddenly I felt his lips brushing against my neck. I shivered, goose bumps erupting all over my skin, my heart thumping loudly. Jasper's lips pressed harder against my skin and flames erupted on its trail. I felt his mouth open slightly and then he kissed my neck. My hand on his back stopped the soothing caresses and pressed tightly. He continued placing small, tender kisses and my eyes fluttered closed. A frantic, blissful haze enveloped me. It was amazing how his lips were awakening this buzzing fire in me. I was fizzling with renewed electricity. My breathing faltered and I felt myself tremble in a good way.

As his lips trailed up and down my neck, my fingers dug firmly into his back, urging him closer to me. I was suddenly aware of how my body was completely flushed against his. I could feel his heart drumming against mine, both too fast, and our chest heaved up and down loudly. I felt our middle-section connect and I gasped at the pure fever boiling to my core. His teeth grated against my neck as he nibbled and kissed and pulled at my flesh. I moaned breathlessly, feeling hot and light and so amazingly good.

He let go of me before I did. I breathed heavily, trying to regain control over my body. I leaned against the wall, waiting for the haze to dissipate so that my brain could function again.

I looked over at him with heavy-lidded eyes. He stood in the middle of the room, his eyes so intense and sultry. When our gazes connected, he smiled brightly, and I felt a warm tug in my chest at the sight. I smiled back at him.

He plopped down against the wall and grabbed a doughnut from the box I had brought in with me. I sat next to him, scooting closer to him so our sides were flushed together. We ate in silence.

I glanced at him, pleased and relieved to see him happy again.

"What happened?" I asked.

He lifted his eyebrows playfully.

"Do you really need an explanation," he retorted with a smirk on his face.

I smiled at his improved mood, feeling myself blush a little anyway at his mention of what we had just been doing. He laughed and I rolled my eyes at him.

I took another bite and then turned to face him.

"You don't wanna talk about it?" I asked one more time, letting him know he could confide in me if he wanted to.

He shrugged, swallowing a piece of doughnut. He looked down at his hands.

"Nothin' to tell. It's the same ol' shit. Sometimes it just gets to me, ya know," he mumbled.

His words sliced through my chest. I hated that Jasper had to go through this. I hated that I wasn't helping him.

"I wish I could do something," I whispered. I was worried he would get mad. I knew he didn't want me to interfere.

He looked up at me, and smiled tenderly. "You already do. You make everything better."

I didn't believe him. I knew I wasn't doing anything to help. I was about to contradict him when my eyes locked into his. There was so much passion in his eyes that I forgot what I was about to say.

His hand cupped my cheek, caressing it like last time.

"You make me feel so good, Edward. When you look at me like this, I forget about everything else. And when you touch me, I feel like nothing bad exist in this world."

His words captivated me. I tried to make sense of what he was saying. I stared intently in his blue orbs, feeling myself drawn deep into its ocean.

"Damn, Edward, you're the best thing that ever happened to me," he croaked, and I felt a warm jolt coursing through my insides.

He leaned forward then and kissed me, and at that moment, I believed everything he said.

**Thank you so much for all your great words for last chapter! I'm glad (and relieved) that you all seemed to like it. So, hopefully, this one was a good one too :) **


	12. Chapter 12

_hello readers, I apologize for the longer wait than usual between updates. The excuse is: it's summer! lol! _

_Thanks to all the wonderful reviews I got for last chapter! You guys make me so happy! _

CHAPTER 12

I stared at myself in the mirror after showering. The boy reflecting in front of me was changing so fast, I wasn't sure if I knew him anymore.

My eyes focused on the spot on my neck: red with hints of purple against my ivory skin. His mark. My fingers brushed against the bruised skin as I remembered his lips, his tongue, his teeth against my flesh.

The tightness in my chest tugged hard.

I stared into my own eyes and saw the light flickering in its gaze. I was happy. I was scared. I was revived. I was changed.

I was in love. I was completely, insanely, unbelievable in love with a boy.

The week at school became a hurdle of teasing and interrogation. It wasn't painful, mean taunting the way it was with Jasper, but it was constant and aggravating. I had tried to hide the mark on my neck, wearing collar shirts and turtle necks, but it was in vain. Mike saw it first and pointed it out. After that, the questions and guessing games started.

Everybody wanted to know which girl had finally been able to have me.

I smirked and rolled my eyes and avoided any answer, hiding my secret deep inside, but wanting to scream it loud and clear.

I glanced at Jasper more than once, wanting to connect, to have an ally in this world of secrecy, but as always, his eyes were casted away, never meeting mine.

Saturday, I hurried to the closet with only a quick hi to Ms. Pearl. He was already there, sitting against the wall, and looked at me with a big, bright smile.

It always felt so good, so right, when he looked at me with this dazzling smile. And at that moment, his words from last week were truth. I could see the evidence plain on his face. I made him happy. I was helping him.

I smiled back and sat next to him, making sure that my arm and leg touched him. I needed to feel him close. I felt him leaning closer, pressing more, so that our sides were becoming one.

I let my head fall against the wall and closed my eyes as the comforting sparks melted my insides. I allowed the blissful fire to lick my core as I felt and rejoiced at the heat coming from Jasper.

I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to feel his mouth against my skin. I wanted my lips to travel over his body. I wanted to taste him.

I opened my eyes and turned to watch him. We were almost nose-to-nose, wrapped in the dim light of the closet. He was looking at me intently, his gaze deep and piercing. I felt his eyes penetrating through my flesh, through my bones, through my soul.

When we locked eyes, everything intensified: the drum of my heart, the irregular inhales and exhales, the warmth radiating from him.

I felt his cool fingers on my neck, caressing that spot that was still a little colored from last Saturday. His fingers lightly traced the outline of his mark and I let out a shaky breath.

He licked his lips, his eyes still ardent on mine.

"So rumor has it that you got a hickey," he rasped.

I felt my cheeks turn red. He always heard everything at school. He knew what people thought and said. I was afraid he was mad I didn't deny any of the rumors. I looked down, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry about that," he apologized in a whisper.

My eyes shot up to stare at him, hurt by his misplaced apology. I needed to see his eyes, to understand the meaning of his words. I felt a stab gnawing at my heart. I shook my head.

"Why? Don't." I accused.

I took a shaky breath in. "I like it. I like having a reminder of you when we… when we can't be together."

He studied me a long time, his eyes drowning into mine. We were getting lost in each other. His fingers unconsciously continued to caress my skin, leaving in its path flickers of delight.

Then his serious face lit up, a smirk lightening his beautiful features. He leaned in and kissed me. I yielded to him, letting him lead the dance, our lips seemingly made for each other.

His lips parted from mine and trailed down my jaw, my throat, until it reached that precious mark. His placed a wet kiss over it.

"So who was it Edward?" he rasped, his lips against my flesh. I shivered.

"Was it that slutty Tanya?" He kissed the spot again.

"Was it that outcast Bella?" He licked it and I let out a whimper.

"Was it that mysterious, anonymous college girl?" He slowly pulled my flesh between his teeth.

He made his way back up, slowly and dotingly. He pulled my lower lip between his teeth and stared at me.

"Who was it, Edward?" he groaned into my mouth. My body erupted with goose bumps as his voice rumbled through me.

I was panting loudly into his mouth, my eyes glued into his. My hands flew to his face, capturing him close to me, as I tried to form words.

"You," I breathed. "It was you. Only you."

I saw fire flicker through his lidded eyes before he pressed his mouth against mine with fervor. I returned each of his kisses, nibbles and bites with pure passion.

I grabbed at him, pulling him closer. He pushed and pressed against me. We grasped at each other forcefully; the need to feel our bodies melded together, to lose sense of where I started and where he ended, was stronger than anything else.

And as bliss took over my body, I wondered if my love for him could one day be unconcealed and open, free for the world to see.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

As I sat in the cafeteria, I glanced his way to see his enticing, wavy curls draped down his face, his strong, lean fingers holding a pen tightly, his muscled back hunched over his notebook. I sighed with longing, a smile drawing on my enamored face. I smiled a lot these days. It was silly how cheerful I felt, happiness blooming inside of me like a meadow in spring. All I wanted was to stay with the memory of his touches, his taste, and that trail of tingles that took over my body each time I was near him. My mind constantly drifted back to our closet, to these incredible stolen moments spent with Jasper, alone and exploring and passionate.

As the Saturdays had passed, our kisses had become more daring and our hands bolder. Our caresses had ventured further as our frenzied bodies sought release, thrashing and stroking and grinding together, helping the other to reach pleasure.

I felt my body stir as the memories flowed. I opened a book, pretending to be reading so that none of my classmates bothered me. My mind escaped the boundaries of school and brought me back to our closet. I continued to shot discreet glances his way, the need to see him and watch him always so strong.

I thought about that awkward, completely embarrassing incident that had happened with Ms. Pearl last Saturday when she had asked me to carry those boxes full of pamphlets down to the second floor. She had taken one out and had given it to me with a smile.

"Here, take one for yourself, it might be useful," she had said matter-of-factly.

I had taken it and thanked her. And then, I had looked at it. It had been a pamphlet about safe sex. I remembered how I had felt confused and horrified all at once. I had looked back at her and told her I didn't need it, that dad had already covered all the bases on that topic.

"Just keep it, Edward, maybe there's something that your dad forgot to cover," she had insisted.

So I had kept it and had shove it in my bag. When I had gotten home later that day, I had taken it out again and I'd almost choked when I'd read it more carefully. The flyer was about gay sex.

I had felt nervous and nauseous, and curious too. And damn, after that, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I wondered what Jasper knew about it. And I wondered if he wanted that with me, because I really wanted it with him.

By the time I heard the others sitting and laughing around me at our table, I felt lustful and frustrated and aching to be alone with Jasper. It was hard to come back to reality, to land on Earth when I felt like I was flying in heaven. Everything was a swirly, pleasant blur.

But then the new rumors reached me. Jasper and Bella were an item. They were together, a couple, and probably met secretly to do disturbing things that might involve dark magic. Classmates discussed how the two outcasts from school, both too quiet for comfort, both wearing black clothes that proved their evilness, were now teaming up, plotting wicked attacks against the school.

I bit my lips and stared at my book, trying in vain to get lost once again in my happy place. But the rumors were creeping into my veins, making me feel sick and upset. I knew the rumors were false. But as I observed them from the corner of my eyes, I couldn't help but feel that familiar jealousy flare on the inside. As the weeks had passed, Jasper and the girl went from being strangers sharing a table, without acknowledging the other, to comrades, chatting and laughing together.

My guts ached with bitterness, envy blazing through my veins as I watched them interact. Jasper smiled at her and she giggled. And I loved seeing him happy, but I hated that she was the reason for it.

I didn't understand why it couldn't be me. Why couldn't I sit with him during lunch, sharing stories and jokes while eating tasteless school food? Why couldn't he look at me instead of at her, and why couldn't he laugh with me, in front of others?

I was starting to be in a pissy mood.

Mike dared to approach me at this exact moment, his round pimply baby face looking at me like a freacking lunatic.

"What's wrong, man?"

I plunged my nose into my book, ignoring the guy. I stared at the pages, but the black ink swirled and smashed together. I couldn't decipher any words.

"Edward, you don't even talk to me anymore," He nagged. "Tell me what's wrong?"

I sighed and met his eyes, staring back at one of my oldest friend. I was conflicted. I had so many memories with this kid, so many laughs we had shared for the past decade, and yet, I truly despised the person he had become.

"I don't wanna talk about it, Mike." I replied in a controlled voice, keeping my annoyance at bay.

"If you're mad at us, at least tell us what we did," he said.

I pinched my lips shut and went back to reading.

"For fuck sake, Edward, say something. We're best friends and I wanna know what's wrong. We would never say anything to offend you, Ed, so what happened?"

I laughed with no humor. He didn't know how most of his words recently were painful to listen to. His actions during school were like blades slicing me open. He didn't understand how each of his insults were like punches in my guts, and every snicker against Jasper were like burns in my chest. His curses and attacks tainted my nights and haunted my dreams, the constant fear that his words would break the person I loved was eating me up. He didn't see that all of his tormenting, mocking, and taunting aimed at Jasper were direct assaults to my own heart.

"Ed, talk to me, man," he pressed. " You're starting to resemble Mr. Creepy from over there," he teased, motioning to the back table with his head.

My muscles tensed and I felt the anger surging rapidly. How dare he called my Jasper Mr. Creepy. How dare he looked down to that perfect soul, to that perfect boy who held my heart.

I think I growled. I glared with hatred straight into Mike's malicious eyes.

"You talk shit about everybody, Mike." I hissed angrily." I'm not gonna be part of your little evil games."

He laughed then. It wasn't a friendly giggle; it was a mischievous cackle. It made the hair on my skin rise with disdain. I heaved, my fingers already curling into vicious fists. Adrenaline pumped furiously in my veins, rage and a hint of fear fuming under my flesh. I imagined his jaw shattering and splitting open.

In my angry haze, I stalked away from him. I was fuming and all I wanted was a place to calm down. I spotted the wavy blond curls and automatically went towards him, towards my center of peace, my safe haven. I reached the table in the back corner and sat down, perpendicularly to Jasper, without processing what I was doing.

I needed to be near him at this moment, no matter who saw it or what people would say. I didn't even care if Jasper was going to be angry with me later. Right now, his nearness was the only thing keeping me from killing Mike.

I sat still, trying to breathe deeply, to allow his scent to reach me, to wrap myself in his calming aura. Slowly, I opened my book once again, and pretended to read. My heart was pounding and I could hear it echo in the cafeteria. I realized there was a heavy silence surrounding me and I noticed that everybody had stopped talking. If I looked up, I'm sure I would find all eyes on me.

I glanced sideways and watched as Jasper was doing homework, concentration plastered on his face. He didn't twitch or sneak a glance my way. It was as if he hadn't even noticed that I had just made the most important steps in my life, that I had just left my oldest friend, and that I had come to him.

Damn. This was really important. I was finally sitting near him in school. And his only reaction was to stare at a stupid math problem. And right now, I felt angry at him too. I wanted to yell at him for refusing to team up with me, to deny my help and my friendship. I felt dejected and right now, I felt alone in this battle.

I realized that Isabella was there too, across from me, but she was blurry and unimportant to me. I noticed she was shooting small glances my way, and a traitorous blush colored her cheeks.

I couldn't take any of this anymore.

I let my head fall against the table, my forehead banging against the hard surface. I left a groan escape, and I clutched at my book with aching fingers. My muscles were tense and throbbing with all the tension twirling on the inside. I thought I might have a panic attack.

And then the bell rang. I momentarily opened my eyes and glanced up. Mike smirked at me before reaching for Lauren, wrapping his arm around her waist and exiting the cafeteria.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

I was left ruminating and craving to hurt something while everybody trickled out, leaving me alone.

The blood rush slowly settled, the anger transforming into pain and anguish. Suddenly, I worried about what would happen now. I wondered if I had lost everything, if nobody in school would talk to me and if Jasper would refuse to be with me anymore.

But then, I heard steps right behind me and my body lit up with pleasure. A warm, tender hand brushed my shoulder. It was a fleeting, momentary touch, but it was still a significant caress. I looked up in time to see Jasper walk away, like a marble angel. I watched him as he disappeared through the double doors and turned to go to class.

I sighed, Jasper's heat and softness hugging me long after he left. Hope and comfort spread like wildfire in my chest, my nervous knots loosening into a calming sunrise. He had this special power on me, and with a simple brush of his hand, I felt calm and grounded. My muscles untangled and my mind refocused.

I reminded myself that Mike didn't deserve my hatred because he was unworthy of that much effort. And I told myself I didn't care about what the rest of the school were saying about me right now so there was no need to worry. There were more important things in life to think about. There were things in life that were worth my time and energy. And Jasper was one of these things. And it seemed that he wasn't going to reject me quite yet.

**This chapter was a littler longer as a thank you to all of you who are still reading, still reviewing and still here with me through this story. You are all amazing!**


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

When I walked into the closet with two mini bags of popcorn, an excited heart and an eager smile on my face, I noticed immediately that Jasper didn't look happy. His hair was all disheveled and he had black circles under his eyes. His arms were crossed over his chest and his eyes missed that shine that I loved.

My smile disappeared. My heart squeezed.

"What's wrong?"

"Don't sit next to me again in school." His tone was harsh and authoritative.

Immediately, I felt my eyes burn with hurt. I blinked, hiding the pain. His demand, his accusation, his rebuff felt traitorous. I felt betrayed and rejected and scolded all at once.

I thought that he had been okay that I sat with him. I thought he had given me his consent or support or something like that when he had touched me in the cafeteria. I had felt good after his warm touch. I had gone the rest of the day, through the mocking and brazen staring of classmates, thinking that I was not alone in this mess. I thought that Jasper and I had finally become a team.

When people moved away from me in the hallway, muttering loudly that they didn't want to touch me after I had sat with _them_, that I must be infected by _their_ filth now, I had been able to ignore them all because Jasper had given me that fleeting caress, that moral support.

And now he was reproaching me. He was furious that I had approached him at school.

He didn't want to be near me.

I was hurt and confused.

"W-what?" I stuttered, baffled.

"You know what I said, and you know that I want to keep this private." He spoke with no emotions, his eyes averted from mine.

"Private?" I spat. "You're ashamed of me? Like a dirty little secret?"

His eyes flew back to mine, wide and deep, and so unbelievingly mesmerizing. I blinked again and looked away. I felt like I was going to break down any moment now.

"No, Edward. Don't say that. Please don't. I..." His voice was so soft and pleading suddenly. I wanted to melt into his embrace and to feel him close.

"We just can't be together outside of here." He said, his voice back to that flat tone. I couldn't get rid of that uncomfortable nudge in the pit of my stomach. I felt rejected.

"I don't understand, Jasper." I whispered. "Did you want to be alone with Isabella Swan? Is she the only person who deserves your attention, the only person good enough to sit near you?"

He snorted. "Me and Bella?" He shook his head and mumbled: "I'm not the one who makes her blush all the time."

I rolled my eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I see how charming you are with her when sharing a stupid microscope in biology class."

I exhaled, frustrated. I didn't want to talk about Isabella. All I wanted to talk about was what was happening between Jasper and me.

"I thought we were not allowed to talk about school. That was your rule, right?" I barked, aggravation sparkling under my skin.

He stared at me for a long time, frustration and sadness burning in his gaze. I waited, silent and unmoving, trying to keep my self composed but dreading what was coming next.

After a while, he exhaled heavily, his hand hastily pulling at his hair, and started pacing the little space. Suddenly, he halted in front of me, so close. His face was contorted, pain and maybe even fear disfiguring it. His eyes bore into mine with such passion that I felt my insides melt. My eyes were held into his with no escape, the anguish in his expression seeping into my inner core. Urgently, I cupped his face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs on the apple of his cheeks.

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

He squeezed his eyes firmly shut and shook his head.

I pulled him closer and wrapped my arms around him, wishing that I could take away all of the burden he seemed to carry. I wanted to extract whatever hurt him and ensure that only beauty and happiness soared in him. I prayed that my love was strong enough to make him forget all the torment he had to face.

"Tell me what you're thinking, Jasper, please," I breathed.

His arms tightened around me, his face buried into the nook of my neck. I softly rubbed his back, while I placed small kisses on his temple. My other hand gently brushed away his hair.

"Please, my love, tell me what's wrong."

He exhaled loudly against my flesh, leaving a damp, tingly feeling on my neck, and then he pulled away a little, just enough so that we could see each other.

"I don't want you to get hurt. I wouldn't stand it if something happened to you. I…"

My hands flew to his face, forcing him to look at me.

"Jasper, nothing will happen to me."

He shook his head vehemently against my hold, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"You don't know that. You don't know what people are capable of, Edward." He looked pained. "I don't want you to ever know how cruel people can be."

I stared at him, fear and hurt and sadness visible on his beautiful face. My own heart twisted with all these emotions. At this moment, I hated the world for doing this to my Jasper.

I pulled him against my chest and squeezed hard.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry that I'm too scared to give you what you want."

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. My chest was completely constricted with sorrow and love for this beautiful, broken soul in my arms.

"You are all that I want." I whispered into his hair.

"I care for you too much. I can't take a chance. I can't." He mumbled frantically against my shirt, trembling in my embrace. "If something happened to you… If somebody hurt you… I would –" He shook with anger and fear.

"Shhh, I'm right here. I'm safe. Nobody's hurting me." I told him, placing my cheek on the top of his head and tightening my hold on him.

He breathed me in deeply and let go of the firm grip he had on my shirt. He slid his hand under my shirt, touching my skin roughly with his hands, making sure I was real, I was whole, I was here. He glided his hands to my back, his fingers digging into my skin, and pressed me flushed against him.

" I can't lose you, Edward. I can't."

My own breath was ragged and a slow burn seared through my body. He lifted his head and looked straight into my eyes. He leaned forward and kissed me roughly, full of passion and desperation. I returned his kisses with my own frenzy. In seconds, shirts were taken off, pants were pulled down, and hands and mouth were everywhere. I had to touch him just as much as he had to.

Afterwards, breathless and an after bliss still sparkling on the inside, we held onto each other, sweaty and still shirtless, while he talked. And with each word, I felt my heart break a little more, the pain and sadness and rage boiling my limbs with an aching fire.

He told me about the reason his mom and him moved away from Texas. He told me what his classmates did when he had come out at school. He told me how his best friend, Peter, and his cousin Rosalie had been the only ones there for him. He told me how he wished they hadn't taken his side. He cried when he told me how Peter got beat up so bad when he tried to defend him. He told me how he'd stayed next to Peter for days at the hospital, while he was unconscious. I cried with him, my arms around him, when he explained the guilt and pain that took over him when doctors said they didn't know if Peter was going to be able to walk again.

Once he was done, we stayed quiet for a while, silent tears flowing down our eyes, as we held into each other for dear life.

"You didn't hurt Peter. You didn't paralyze his legs. You didn't force him to be your friend. You didn't send your best friend to the hospital. You didn't do anything wrong." I whispered softly.

His breath broke and more tears fell.

"You didn't make me gay. You didn't force me to love you. You didn't make me want to protect you, and care for you, and be with you, and show the world how I feel for you."

He shook his head against me.

"It's not your fault. None of it is. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything to make people hate you. You didn't make people be mean, and bigots, and cruel."

I lifted his chin and cradled his face. I leaned my forehead against his.

"You are full of love and tenderness and kindness. You are sweet and caring. You have the biggest heart I've ever known, Jasper. You are amazing and beautiful and good."

His hands snaked into my hair and tugged softly.

"Edward," he breathed.

I leaned closer and kissed him. This time, the kiss was slow and soft and sweet.

**Sorry for the heavy chapter... I hope you still all liked it... I thought you might want to know a little bit more about Jasper and why he was so reluctant to really be with Edward...**


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

We parted in the same way we usually did: separately and without a goodbye. I went to my spot at the computer in the nurses' room while he went to pick up empty trays from patients' rooms.

Everything seemed usual, ordinary. But the truths and secrets that we had shared today in the closet were too raw for me to ignore.

I sat and stared, unable to focus on anything. I felt out of place. Shaky. Ill.

I had listened to him, to the boy I loved, while he had opened up, shared the horror of his past, and I had felt my self being pulled into an angry haze, a black sorrow. His tears falling down his cheeks, dripping off his chin, had been like punctures to my clenched heart, razor blades to my flesh.

Watching desperation and fear paint his expression, hearing the sufferings and guilt that were burning on his inside, had opened new wounds in me. I was left heartbroken, completely and utterly bleeding with sadness.

Instantly, I had wrapped my limbs around his body with force in an attempt to protect him. I had embraced and caressed frantically in need to soothe his vulnerable being. I had stroked and groped and fondled with severe passion in hope to rub off the dark memories.

And I had kissed and kissed to show him that he was precious and beautiful and loved.

I couldn't stand being helpless, being spoiled, being me. I wanted to be something more, something great, so that I could save this broken boy, this beautiful soul.

My eyes watered as I thought of the violence and injustice he had suffered, and my body clenched at how powerless I felt.

A hand squeezed my shoulder and I quickly blinked away the tears that threatened to fall.

"Edward, are you okay?" Ms. Pearl asked in such a caring voice that I almost leaped into her arms for comfort.

I nodded quickly, a few times, and kept my eyes stuck on that blurry hospital log in front of me.

"Edward, you can talk to me, about anything. I'll listen and won't judge."

I nodded again, not speaking. I knew that if I spoke, I would cry. And I didn't want to cry. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be what Jasper needed.

Ms. Pearl sighed softly when she realized I was not going to talk, squeezed my shoulder once more, and walked away.

"You know, maybe you should talk to your parents. They would listen too. They're understanding and caring. They'll love you no matter what and they'll be there for you." She added before stepping out of the office and disappearing.

I bit my lip and raked my nervous fingers through my hair. I didn't know how much Ms. Pearl knew. But she knew something, that was for sure.

That night, Ms. Pearl's words resonated through my mind with persistence. I should talk to my parents. And the more I thought about it, the more I felt certain that I had to do it, that my parents would help me through it. My parents would be there for me.

On Sunday, we had friends over for brunch, and they ended staying the whole day. It seemed that I had no time alone with my parents to talk. So as the night came again, I decided that tomorrow's night would be the night. I would tell them at dinner time.

I felt antsy and nervous, but somehow, I also felt calmer, almost hopeful. I let myself drift to sleep, thinking of what tomorrow would bring. I thought about school, and sitting at Jasper's table during lunch, and a small, content smile stretched on my face. I thought of my parents, and that conversation that would ensue, and I felt ready for the whole truth to be out there. I couldn't wait for it.

I was almost asleep when my phone rang. I startled and reached for it quickly. I stared at the name on the screen and my heart grew louder.

Jasper was calling me.

I had only just given him my number yesterday. I had told him that he could always call me if he wanted to talk, if he needed somebody to listen.

Quickly, I answered.

"Hello?" I said, unsure.

"Edward? Hey," he replied in a calm voice.

My body reacted immediately. There was something special about hearing him say my name. His voice, his tone, his southern intonation made my name sound exactly as it always should. Perfect on his lips.

"Hey, Jasper, are you okay?" I suddenly worried, remembering this was the only time I had heard him say my name outside of the closet.

"Yeah, all is good. I just…" His voice quieted for a moment and I could hear his breathing echoing through the intercom.

My free hand flew to my hair, pulling at it, trying to stay calm as I waited for him to continue speaking.

"I just wanted to say thanks, ya know, for everything." He finally said, and I wondered if that was all he had wanted to say.

"There's no need to thank me, Jasper." I would do anything for you, I wanted to add. But I didn't.

The silence that lingered was comfortable and yet heavy with unspoken words.

"Edward," he suddenly breathed into the phone, breaking the quietness. "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" I whispered, mirroring his low, serious tone. My whole body was on edge, his coarse voice making it shudder with wants, his words making it scrunch with worry.

"That you love me."

My heart leaped at the words, awakened and alert. But I was afraid to admit the truth that had escaped my mouth so freely yesterday. I was afraid of his reaction. Of his rejection. And yet, I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't deny that I was completely, irrevocably in love with him.

And so I took I deep breath and replied with the only answer I could ever give him.

"Yes," I simply confessed.

**Thank you so much for all the love you guys gave me for last chapter! Some of you who reviewed suggested that Edward should talk to his parents, so here I integrated your advices and made Ms. Pearl speak to him for all of you :) And by the way, somebody asked if they had sex in the last chapter. No, they didn't. Shirts and pants were off, lips and hands were everywhere, but they didn't go all the way... yet...**


	16. Chapter 16

**I know, it's been a while... I'm so sorry... Sometimes life happens, and it's hard to keep up. But here i am again, with another chapter. Thanks for your patience, and for continuing to follow my story, and for writing me amazing reviews even when I don't reply back... I am so grateful. xoxo**

CHAPTER 16

I wanted to remember this day from beginning to end, all of its minute details, its varying hues and the distinct smell of the crisp wintery air.

This day was the day that would determine the rest of my life.

When I arrived at school, the angry wind blowing strongly and the parking lot covered with a dangerous layer of ice, I rushed among the few students braving the cold to talk to their friends and I hurried into the building. Today, I marched through the hallway with an inner confidence that I never had before. I felt brave enough to take on anybody that would stand against me and the person I loved. I felt invincible.

Everybody seemed unaware of the importance of today and I glanced at these irrelevant faces who smiled and laughed with no ounce of concern in their lives. I made my way to class, that class I've always utilized to stare at Jasper, with an eagerness for this day to enfold. I couldn't wait any more seconds before seeing him. I wanted to see his face as he knew now that I loved him. My own words from last night danced in my head with liberation. I felt anew and free. I wanted to scream these three little words from the top of my lungs. I wanted to whisper them softly into his ears, observing the reaction of his flesh as he heard my confession. I wanted to kiss him right after telling him that I loved him and hold him tight against me.

I sat with both bliss and complete impatience as I waited for him to arrive. A few other early comers made their way to their desks and quietly distracted themselves while waiting for class to come. I didn't bother looking at them, my eyes utterly fixated on that door, intent on finding its target the instant he appeared.

And then, everything slowed down, the humming of the room intensified, my heart leaped out of my chest and my smile grew exponentially. He was here, his hair pushed back and the brilliant blue of his eyes met mine. There was something different in his demeanor, something a little more open, a little freer. His sandy locks pulled slightly away from his face. His eyes were bright and intense. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

I smiled, not hiding my utter infatuation for him. It was out in the open, for anybody to witness, and especially for him to see. My love, my happiness, and desire were all to the forefront, unrestricted and open. I was not hiding anymore.

The side of his tantalizing lips twitched up momentarily and my heart pounded loudly. Too quickly, he tore his eyes away and walked to his seat. I watched shamelessly as his trimmed, marvelous body slithered slowly to the back of the room. My breathing was ragged and when the teacher started the lesson, I had to shake my head to refocus. I realized that Isabella was already sitting next to me, taking notes, even though I hadn't noticed her take her seat.

I was so completely smitten by this boy.

The following periods dragged, my body aching to be near him, and so when the last bell of the morning rang, I flew to the cafeteria without a thought for anything else than for my Jasper.

Isabella was already sitting at the table when I arrived and I took the same seat as Friday, across from her.

"Hi," I said casually, my eyes darting toward the entrance every nanoseconds.

She flushed and glared at me with suspicion.

"What?" I asked, only paying little attention to her.

"What rumors have you started about you and me? What lies have you told the whole school?" She barked, obviously angry.

Now, she had my full attention. I frowned, completely bewildered by her accusations.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" she exclaimed with fierce.

"I'm sorry, Isabella, but I have no clue." I apologized, bewildered and feeling guilty for some unknown explanation.

She sighed, annoyed, and looked down at her book. She wasn't going to explain. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a chair moving and I swiftly, eagerly, looked to my right to see Jasper sitting down. My confused expression was immediately replaced with one of happiness.

"Hi," I said, my voice uncharacteristically husky.

He gave me a small, crooked smile that sent a warm jolt to my heart.

"Hi," he replied, and then turned to Isabella. "Hi, Bella."

She looked up from her book and glared at him. His eyes widened and small crinkled lines formed on his tanned forehead.

"I think she's mad at me, but she doesn't want to tell me why." I explained.

Jasper looked at me, amusement dancing in his mesmerizing blue eyes.

"The whole school thinks that you two have hooked up. The whole hickey mystery is now resolved and it explains why you sat at our table on Friday."

My body shivered with implicit joy at his open conversation. We were talking in school, in public, and it was more than I hoped for.

"Oh." I exclaimed, surprised by the news. How did he always hear all the rumors? Why didn't I know about this?

I wondered if he was upset about the completely absurd conclusion that our classmates made, but then I watched his dazzling smile and relaxed.

A sudden loud thump made me look up at Isabella once again. She was glaring at us, her book laid down, forgotten after she had slammed it against the table.

"What is going on here? Why are you talking?" she interrogated, her big brown eyes drilling over Jasper. She then turned to face me. " And why are you here, sitting with us outcast? You're Edward Cullen, one of the most popular kid in the school."

I shrunk at her description of me. I didn't like the label, at all. I glanced at Jasper. His stance returned to his ordinary, impassable self. His eyes looked down, his hair covering most of his face.

I wanted to brush his hair gently, and pull it away from his face. I wanted him to look at me again, always, forever.

"Jasper," I whispered.

I could feel him slip away again, going back into that dark chamber, hiding. And it worried me. I wanted to move forward. I was ready and I needed him to do this with me.

I repeated his name softly, pleading him to come back to me. My hand stretched and inched closer to his, which was firmly placed on the table. I saw his wary glance follow my hand, his brow wrinkled, and then he finally looked up at me. As soon as our eyes connected, my chest constricted with pain at his expression. He looked so vulnerable and scared. I grabbed his hand in one swift movement and squeezed hard.

He took a long, straining inhale and then let it all out, his muscles relaxing and the shine in his eyes back again. I beamed at him and a small, discreet smile spread over his pink lips, our gaze locked.

"Oh," we heard Isabella gasp.

We both turned to look at her and her knowing gaze met ours. I could feel Jasper freaking out next to me, and I squeezed his hand again with comfort. My own heart was drumming nervously. This was it: somebody else knew. We were finally out of the closet.

She blinked once, surprised, and then she smiled at us. And that smile, that simple gesture of acceptance, made my whole body collapse with relief.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

We sat in silence for what seemed for a very long time, but was only mere seconds. Isabella smiled kindly at us, and my hand still held on to Jasper tightly, my heart swelling with pride and joy.

Jasper's face, however, showed the mixture of emotions that seemed to swirl on the inside. He seemed confused and surprised, relieved and worried, happy and scared, all at once.

"Bella," a timid, familiar voice suddenly called out.

Jasper immediately pulled his hand away and looked ahead to watch Angela approaching our table.

"Hi, I'm Angie. We're in the same English class. I know we never talked before but, uhm, I was hoping that I could possibly copy your notes from Friday? I was absent and I hate missing work," she explained to Isabella, who smiled back at her.

"Of course."

Angela slumped down on the chair next to Isabella, who gawked at her in utter surprise. Nobody ever talked to either Bella or Jasper, and nobody sat at their table, with the exception of me.

I glanced around and noticed everybody in the cafeteria was startled by Angela's simple act of joining us.

"Oh my god, thank you. There's nobody else in that class that I would trust with accurate note-taking," Angie exhaled sincerely, completely unaware of people's reaction around her.

"No problem," Isabella flushed, a smile on her lips, and dug into her bag to find her notes.

Angela relaxed and looked around the table while waiting. She seemed suddenly shy, while her eyes traveled from Isabella to Jasper, to the hushed, weird stares of classmates around us, and then to me.

She froze momentarily when her gaze met mine, then she nodded timidly at me.

"Hey, Ed."

I smiled, grateful and encouraging. "Hi, Angie. How are you?"

"I'm feeling better."

Isabella found her notes and gave them to Angela, who thanked her and promised her to give them back by the end of lunchtime. Angela got ready to leave when Ben approached us with two trays of food.

He beamed at his girlfriend and placed one tray in front of Angela.

"Here you go, baby," he said to her, before grabbing a chair and pulling it next to her, sitting at our table as well.

Immediately, the unease redoubled. Angela shot anxious glances over to Isabella and Jasper, who both seemed distressed with the new addition to their lunchtime. They both kept quiet.

"Thanks," Angie stuttered. She seemed as nervous as Jasper. I could see the tension build in Jasper's stiff body.

Ben started eating, oblivious to everything, and turned to me.

"So, Ed, you're sitting here for good now?"

I smirked. "Yep, I like this table better."

He nodded and took a bite of his pizza. "It's definitely nice to have a break from the others. Mike is loosing his mind."

I cringed at the mention of his name, and I noticed Jasper's jaw flex and his fists clench. Inconspicuously, I slid my foot until it touched Jasper's under the table. I peeked at his face just in time to see him switch from anger to peaceful. The effect of the contact was immediate. Jasper's body sagged with calm and relief. His foot pressed firmly against mine, our knees now touching softly.

I wasn't following anything that was happening outside of our little bubble. I could barely see and hear Angie and Isabella talking. All that mattered was that foot against mine, that warm leg brushing mine, and that knee that was so appealingly pressed against mine.

Even after revealing our secret to Isabella, and being ready to come out to my parents and the world, I still relished in this intimate, private moment that only we shared.

When the bell rang and it was time to separate again for our afternoon classes, I felt a twinge of disappointment. I wanted to stay near Jasper.

I gently nudged his leg with my knee, rekindling our secretive connection. Instantly, his eyes were staring intently into mine, my heart squeezing with love. He gave me a small smile, a hint of his dimple appearing on his right cheek.

He got up then, and looked around our full table. "Bye y'all. See ya later," He said with his smooth, confident voice before stepping away and going to his history class.

I smiled widely at everything that had just happened during lunch today. Isabella knew about us and was accepting. Ben and Angela sat with us, and were friendly with Bella and Jasper. And Jasper and I had touched greeted each other in school and even touched. It seemed like things were getting better.

Ben and I headed towards math class together. Angie and Bella were following behind us.

"It seems like Angie made a new friend," I told Ben.

He glanced behind and smiled. "Yeah, she seems like a nice girl. So you and her… Is it true?"

I shook my head. "No, man, just rumors," I admitted.

"Oh," he whispered quietly, looking ahead and lost in thoughts. His brow wrinkled slightly. This was making me nervous. I wondered if he would come to the right conclusion, and then spread the news to the whole school.

I wanted to be out, for people to know the real me, and to be able to show my love for Jasper to everybody, but I was scared. I knew it would be hard.

Suddenly, a loud thumb rang through the hallway and a few loud voices rose. Then I heard, the clear, menacing voice of Mike.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, scumbag? I know what disgusting, little shithead you are. I won't let you bring Ed or Ben down with you."

I ran. I ran as fast as I could down the hallway and around the corner. My heart was pounding frantically in my too tight chest.

Mike had Jasper pinned against the wall. Jasper's eyes were glazed with anger but he didn't move. He didn't try to fight back, as usual. His face was squashed against the wall, Mike pushing his fist against Jasper's skull and his other arm pressed against his back to trap him firmly against that wall. His face was too close to Jasper's ear as he screamed and cursed at him.

Tyler was near them, and he held Jasper's bag up, laughing at me.

My body shook with rage. "Give me his bag, Ty." I hissed.

"Let me see what he has in there first," he provoked me as he opened the bag. He pulled Jasper's notebook.

His precious, private notebook.

I leaped closer and tried to snatch to bag back, but Tyler stepped away and opened the notebook.

Suddenly, Jasper wasn't keeping still anymore. He cursed and pushed Mike off of him with strength.

"What the hell, you have freacking love poems in here? And drawings of starry nights?" Tyler laughed. "You're a fucking pussy?"

"Don't fuckin' touch my stuff," Jasper yelled at Tyler, evading Mike at last, and pouncing towards him.

"Leave him the fuck alone," I barked, full of fury.

The crowd of students who were eagerly witnessing the conflict gasped and gawked.

"Eddie, are you his fucking bitch now or something?" Mike taunted, a vile smirk on his distorted face.

I saw red. In an instant, I lunged and charged at him. My brain didn't even have time to process my actions, as I attacked Mike with fierce, punching as hard as I could. I felt pounding against my own flesh but didn't stop hitting.

I heard a lot of noise and I knew that Tyler and Jasper were in the mix too. We were all fighting and the crowd around us was loud and cheering.

Suddenly, a whistle pierced through my haze, and firm hands pulled me away. I was brought to an empty room.

A humming sound buzzed in my ears and I realized I was heaving heavily. I could taste iron in my mouth and I knew I was bleeding. I looked around me and saw coach Clapp staring at me with wide eyes.

"Are you okay, son? What happened?"

I took a few long breaths and then met his glare.

"They won't stop bullying Jasper. I had to do something." I stated matter-of-factly.

**As always, Thanks for all the reviews:) xoxo**

**Oh, and sorry for all this vile language the boys are using in this chapter... **


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

I heard voices, whispers and words buzzing around like angry bees. But I couldn't understand them. I felt unbalanced and overwhelmed, my head throbbing, the pulse and pain pounding against my right temple.

I breathed in and I breathed out, trying to slow my heartbeat, adrenaline pumping fiercely in my blood. I stared down at my bruised knuckles, red and black dots blurring my vision. A painful burn licked the cuts and splints on my fists and the right side of my body ached badly.

"Edward," Coach called my name.

My gaze rose to meet his concerned eyes. We were now alone in a classroom.

"You need to write down what happened. Be as specific as possible." He said once he knew he had my attention. He handed me a blue paper, which said incident report on top.

I nodded and took the paper.

"Your parents and you will meet with the principal once you're done."

I frowned. "My parents are coming?"

"They're already here. Your dad is with the nurse and Mike."

I exhaled deeply and tried to get rid of the nerves shaking on the inside.

This was not good. Not good at all.

"Write first, then worry about the meeting," Coach said softly, squeezing my shoulder.

I started writing. I wrote about the way Mike and Tyler have treated Jasper from the get-go. I explained how the bullying had started last year, how Jasper never fought back but the teasing and taunting still became worst. And then I wrote about today. I had written two full pages when I handed back the paper to Coach Klapp.

He informed me to wait while he stood and reached the school phone. I watched nervously as he mentioned my name and said that I had finished the report. He nodded a few times and then turned to look at me.

"Come on, Edward. They're ready for you."

My legs felt like lead as I slowly made my way to the principal's office. I didn't know what to expect. I had never gotten in trouble before.

The door to the office lobby was open and I could hear my dad's authoritative, business voice echo as I approached. He was explaining how to clean some wounds and how many times to apply a cream in. I felt a lump in my throat and swallowed with difficulty. I gingerly made my way into the room just as Mike's mom responded to dad.

I scrutinized the room anxiously. Dad, Mike and his mom were standing in a corner. I could see the bandage near Mike's swollen left eye. Tyler and his dad were standing further away in an uncomfortable silence. And then my eyes finally fell on the one person I wanted to see at this moment. Jasper was sitting by himself on the other side of the room.

Dad glanced my way, his deep, judging eyes piercing through me. I gulped.

"What a shame, Doctor Cullen, don't you think?" Mike's mom complained, gaining back his attention. "Edward and Mike have been friends forever and now this." She shook her head dramatically. "The only conclusion to this whole mess is this new kid. I heard he's trouble." She whispered loudly and gestured towards Jasper.

My jaw clenched and I balled my fists with anger. The horrid burn that scorned my bruised knuckles fueled my anger even more. I glared in her direction, hoping with all my might that looks could hurt. Dad glanced at me once more, more concerned than anger in his gaze. I turned away from them, and looked towards Jasper. He wasn't paying attention to anybody. His head held low and he pressed an ice pack to his jaw. Dad followed my gaze, looking curiously at Jasper, then back at me, his frown deepened. He turned back to Ms. Newton and politely continued to listen as she spread dreadful rumors.

I stormed next to Jasper and slumped down on the bench next to him. I flinched a little as a pain jolted through my right side and I rubbed the spot near my ribs.

Jasper peeked my way briefly, his eyes watching where my hand rubbed my side. His jaw clenched visibly and he resumed staring at the concrete floor, stoic as ever. I sighed and leaned back, letting my head fall against the back wall. I watched the curve of his muscular shoulders and the way his sandy hair hung loosely. I wondered momentarily if anybody would notice if I weaved my fingers into his hair. I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes. I could smell his comforting scent. It was like home to me. His presence helped. It always did. I felt calmer and more grounded.

I heard the familiar clicks of steps approaching us in a hurry, and my heart drummed with nerves. The sounds of clicking stopped right in front of me.

I took another big breath, hoping to inhale Jasper's essence, before opening my eyes. Two wide and disappointed green orbs penetrated through me. I felt the lump in my throat grow.

"Mom," I plead.

She shook her head. "I can't believe you, Edward. I can't believe you hit Mike," she said, full of reproach.

I finally dared to look up and meet her gaze. They were shining with unshed tears. I felt guilty at this moment.

"I'm sorry," I apologized.

She stared right back at me, reading me the way only mom could do. Finally she tore her eyes away and sighed once more. She looked down at my hands and gasped.

"Did dad examine your hands? You need to disinfect these cuts before it gets worse." She said in a soft voice.

I could feel Jasper's body freeze next to mine.

"It's fine, really. It doesn't hurt." I avowed, for both Jasper's and mom's sake.

Principal Green stepped into the room at this moment, four blue sheets in hand.

"Okay everybody, let's get this over with. I read the incident reports. The accounts are completely inconsistent and, for the most part, utterly vague. Let's all meet in my office and try to uncover the truth before with discuss the consequences." He opened the door and ushered us in.

Apprehension was in the air as we all slowly made our way inside his office. Mom and dad came by my side, and I got up. I watched as Mike and his mom made entered the room, followed by Tyler and his dad.

Jasper rose and stepped forward, holding himself tall and strong. He threw the ice pack in the garbage and approached the principal's office. I watched him go, trepidation lashing into my stomach like a jar of worms. I realized then that Jasper didn't have anybody. Principal Green noticed too.

"Where's your mom, Jasper?"

"She's at work, Mr. Green," he stated.

Dad stepped closer. "Ms. Whitlock mentioned that she would try to make it here as soon as possible. I saw her at the hospital earlier."

Principal Green sighed with annoyance and turned around to walk into the office, where the others were already sitting around a long mahogany conference table. We settled as well.

"Okay, I want the truth and ALL of it. You need to start talking, young men, and explain exactly what happened." Principal Green stared at each one of us meaningfully. "Who wants to start?"

Silence ensued. Nobody was even moving. I looked around and noticed Tyler wiping imaginary dust from the table, Mike was paying attention to his wound, probably trying to earn some pity points, and Jasper stared out of the window as if none of this mattered. Then, I met my dad's glare. I swallowed my lump and cleared my voice.

"Well, Edward, I see that you are the only one willing to discuss the incident," Mr. Green said with a small smile. "But I would rather hear an explanation from one of those three," he stated, pointing to my classmates.

Mike looked up at me with wide, deadly eyes. He probably understood that I had written the whole truth on the report. He glared at me furiously before raising his hand.

"I'll tell you what really happened, Principal Green," Mike said in soft, mischievous tone. "It was just a miscommunication with Edward. The thing was that he arrived after, and jumped to conclusion. Tyler and I were rushing to class because we were late due to practice, and I accidentally bumped into Jasper. I was apologizing to him, and Tyler was picking up his bag to give it back to him, when suddenly Edward arrived and started cursing at us. He seemed really upset. We told him to calm down and then he just jumped and attacked me."

I literally fumed and seethed, my fists clenching again. I welcomed the pain from my scratches and scrapes.

Mr. Green looked at me pointedly and then turned his eyes to Jasper.

"Mr. Whitlock, would you mind sharing your side of the story?"

Jasper slowly brought his gaze back to the room. He looked at the principal, then at Mike, and then at me. I felt my heart jump as his eyes met mine. He looked so conflicted. His brow furrowed and he pushed back his hair as he returned his eyes to Mr. Green.

"It was just a fight, Sir. It doesn't matter why we fought and who started it. Fights happen in high school, that's all. But as a clarification, I punched first. Then they all jumped in at the same time."

Mr. Green sighed heavily.

"I knew he was the instigator," Mike's mom blurted out.

"Ms. Newton, please refrain from jumping to conclusion." The principal asked with a hint of exasperation.

My whole body was on fire by now, rage boiling forcefully on the inside. I stared at Jasper for a while. He didn't meet my gaze.

"I threw the first punch and we all know it. Mike already said it, and I am confirming it, Jasper." I hissed in frustration. I wanted him to tell everybody what had really happened. "There's no need to lie." I plead with too much desperation.

There was a soft knock on the door before it opened. A young woman walked into the room, and I stared at her wavy blond hair, blue eyes and read lipstick.

"Sorry for being late, I'm Ms. Whitlock, Jasper's mama," She said.

"Yes, Ms. Whitlock, thank you for joining us. Please take a seat." Principal Green said curtly. "So let's get back to it. Jasper, what is your explanation for hitting first?"

Jasper's mom, who was halfway settled next to her son, immediately straightened up, standing tall and hovering over her son with anger. "What am I hearin' that you started this whole mess again? What is wrong with ya? Can't you do one thang like a frigging normal person?" She yelled down at him.

Jasper's body was rigid and unmoving, his eyes staring at some unknown spot on the wall opposite him. Mike's mom was smiling and nodding in agreement.

"Uhm, Ms. Whitlock, would you please sit down and wait for your son to answer the question first. Edward over there has admitted to hitting first as well. We are trying to get to the bottom of this."

She turned around to look at me and I felt weak and naked under her critical scrutiny. I looked down quickly. She huffed and sat down. She leaned towards Jasper and whispered loud enough for everybody to hear.

" So _this_ is what it's all about. You disgusting, sinful little fa-"

Dad stomped his palm loudly and with a fierce I've never seen him have before, the boom of his hand on the mahogany making the table vibrating. He glared at Jasper's mom, interrupting her successfully.

"Enough!" he hissed, his voice reverberating around the room.

Everybody stared at dad, who huffed and exhaled, trying to relax. I felt my eyes widened with utter shock. My body was shaking, Jasper's mom's words wrenching my insides. Suddenly, I felt mom's hand on mine, and she squeeze reassuringly. I glanced at her and she gave me a small smile.

Mr. Green cleared his voice to regain people's attention.

" Ms. Whitlock, I apologize for my outburst," Dad said. "I'm sorry for losing my temper," Dad expressed to the rest of the people before turning to Mr. Green. "Please, continue."

I peeked at Jasper. He was staring out the window again, the expression on his face unreadable. But I noticed the tension in his hands, gripping at his legs tightly.

"May I please tell my side of the story now, Mr. Green." I asked nervously.

"Yes, Edward, you can speak now. Go ahead"

But Jasper suddenly turned back to face Mr. Green and started speaking before me.

"You really want to hear what happened? The whole truth? Because sometimes, I feel that the reason for what things happen don't matter. People sometimes get really, really hurt, and the truth doesn't help. The victims are still suffering and the offenders are free and happy and healthy."

He paused then, swallowing loudly, his face contorted in that vulnerable expression, memories of his horrid past carved through each wrinkle lines on his face.

I watched him, mesmerized. My heart completely broke, seeing the pain on his face, the sadness and fear drawn on beautiful features.

" The truth matters, Jasper. Please, explain what happened."

He took a deep breath and then spoke again.

"Mike and Tyler don't like me. Actually, most people in this school don't like me. They've let me know this since my first day here. I understand. I know I'm different and weird. But they... they kept teasing me, and bothering me, and pushing me... And today, they cornered me once more. Mike held me against the wall while Tyler stole my bag and went through it. Edward showed up, and asked Tyler to give back my stuff. Instead, Tyler went through my stuff and grabbed my notebook and started reading private things I have in there. Edward tried to take it away from him but it didn't work. Mike made fun of Edward and I, and Edward got to him first. And that's it. Then, we were all fighting and the teachers arrived to stop us."

We were all listening intently to Jasper, an inexplicable quietness settled in the room as his words spilled finally out of him into the open.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Parents were shaking hands with the principal. Forced politeness and fake pleasantries were exchanged between adults. All the meanwhile, an uncomfortable, heavy atmosphere floated around us teenagers. Bitterness was palpable. I scanned the room warily. Tyler stood, all tense, in a corner waiting for his dad. Mike was still sitting, the muscle of his jaw flexed with anger, his arms crossed over his chest. Jasper waited by the open door, his face utterly void of emotions.

I stood and slowly walked towards him, trying to hide the pure need, that undeniable magnetic pull, that I felt for him. I had to be near him right now.

His eyes met mine and my gaze locked into his as I approached. I stopped only mere feet away. We stood in front of each other without a word, my eyes lost in his. I stared deep into his blue orbs, greedily searching for any hint of how he was doing. He returned a secret gaze, intense and warm. My heart skipped a beat at the intimate connection. We stayed quiet. There was nothing we could say in a room full of people, nothing I could tell without my arms around him and my lips against his.

My frustrated fingers raked my messy hair and his eyes followed the movement of my hand. A small frown crumpled his forehead, his body suddenly tensing. He pursed his lips, his eyes once again drowning into mine, dark and full of remorse. My guts twisted in a wary way.

I had never wished to be in the closet alone with Jasper more than right now. He needed me right now and I couldn't give him any comfort in this room full of people. I wanted more than anything to make him feel safe and happy again. We needed to talk, and I needed to make sure that he was okay.

I sighed deeply, frustrated. Dad approached us just then, smiling.

"Jasper, nice to finally meet you. I'm Doctor Cullen, Edward's dad," he stated in a friendly voice. He offered his hand to Jasper.

Jasper stared at dad's hand and then looked up at his face, a flash of concern and mistrust visible in his eyes. He quickly regained poise, and stretched his own hand to shake dad's.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Doctor Cullen. My mom has talked very highly of you." He answered with charm and confidence.

Dad smiled. "Well, Ms. Pearl has talked very highly of you. It seems that you are a great worker at the hospital."

"Thank you, sir."

Jasper's mom came over then, and she still looked furious. She didn't even acknowledge her son and glared at me before turning to my dad.

"Doctor Cullen," She said, nodding politely.

"Ms. Whitlock, how are you?" Dad answered calmly.

"Tired and exasperated at the moment," she breathed out. "I'll have to bid good bye now. I need to drive Jasper home before going back to work."

"Well, see you tomorrow Ms. Whitlock. And now that your son was brave enough to denounce the terrible things that others were committing, hopefully there won't be any more trouble," Dad said with a small, sad smile. His eyes darted to Jasper before returning to the mom.

Ms. Whitlock snorted. "Sure," she mumbled before turning and walking away.

I knew I was frowning when I looked over at Jasper. He shrugged and grabbed his bag.

"Bye Mr. Cullen," he said. He quickly glanced my way before turning to follow his mom.

"Jasper," I called after him with despair.

He looked back at me over his shoulder. He studied my expression and then smiled. "We'll talk later, okay?"

I nodded reluctantly, trying to return his smile. He nodded his head slightly and then left. My nervous hand went back into my hair, pulling at it desperately.

A warm squeeze on my shoulder brought me back to the present. I looked up and saw dad watching me carefully.

"Mom is waiting for us in the parking lot. You're ready to go?" he said softly, as if he was afraid to startle me. I nodded, still unable to utter anything.

We walked to the car in silence, both lost in our thoughts. Mom was already behind the wheel and smiled at us when we entered the car.

"I think we need some comfort take-out food tonight, don't you think?" Mom asked in an effort to cheer us up. Dad and I nodded wordlessly.

The rest of the ride was in silence. We stopped by the Chinese restaurant to order our favorites and then drove home.

I went to take a shower before dinner and tried to decompress. The hot water was not helping my knotted body to relax. Suddenly, I felt nervous about going downstairs. This night was not going the way I had planned at all. But I knew I had to face them. I had been ready to tell them the truth, and I think that right now, they deserved the whole truth even more.

Reluctantly, I walked downstairs. When I reached the kitchen, I heard mom and dad whispering. They immediately stopped as soon as they noticed me, and they both looked at me as if I were an animal in distress. It made me feel uncomfortable.

"I'll set the table while dad examines your hands, okay baby," Mom cooed.

I nodded and looked at dad.

"Come here son," he said to me, bringing a chair out for me to sit. He already had the alcohol and the band-aids out. He looked over my bruises, cleaned them and dressed them.

"It was a pretty ugly fight, huh?" He asked nonchalantly as he placed a band-aid on one of my knuckles.

I shrugged. "I have nothing to compare to, dad. I never fought before."

He nodded. "There must've been an important reason for you to step in like that." He stated in a thoughtful tone, his eyes back on my wounded hands.

I bit my lips and kept quiet, my heart stuck in my throat.

"Nobody got hurt badly, right?" I retorted gingerly, not having the courage to say what I really wanted to say.

"Some cuts and bruises, but no major injuries. Mike got a nasty black eye though." He pointed out, looking at me straight in the eyes.

I lowered my gaze to my hands to avoid his scrutiny.

"Okay, we're done here. Let's go eat." He finally told me, stepping away.

I averted my eyes from his and stood to join mom at the table. Dad was right behind me and when I pulled my chair to sit, I could feel both of my parents' gazes on me.

"Edward."

I forced myself to look back up at them. There was a pause then as they studied me with a strange look. My eyes lowered again automatically, nervous of what they were thinking of me.

"We won't condone your actions, son. Violence is wrong however you put it." Dad stated seriously. I nodded, knowing that he would be mad. He exhaled loudly.

"Edward, no matter what, I wanted to let you know that we are proud of you for speaking up in the meeting and telling the truth. It must have been hard to say what you knew, especially when the offenders are people you've been friends with your whole life. You did good in there, son," he stated with so much truth that I thought I was going to cry.

Mom's eyes shone with too much brightness and then I saw a tear roll down her cheeks.

"Oh Eddie, you know we love you, right?" She sniffled, grabbing me into her arms and hugging me. My chest tightened and I felt the tears escape. I closed my eyes and cried softly into my mom's embrace. She squeezed me harder, and kissed my cheeks.

After a while, we both regained control and mom let go of me. Dad gave me a warm hug to and whispered in my ears. "We love you so much, son."

I smiled back at them, drying my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Well, let's eat. The food is getting cold," mom warned us.

We all settled at the table and served each other.

"So, Jasper seems like a really nice boy," mom said as she served herself more fried rice.

My heart leaped out of my chest. I nodded.

"Yes, he is." I responded softly, gauging their reactions.

"What a sad story. I feel so bad for him." Mom said. "I can't believe nobody ever noticed what was happening."

"How come he never spoke up about it before?" Dad interjected.

I shrugged. "He doesn't think that anybody can help him with this."

"Yeah, he said so himself in the meeting." He shook his head, reflecting on something. "Why didn't you say anything if you knew?"

Guilt flared with force.

"I wanted to. I had planned on talking to both of you tonight, actually. I... I didn't do it before because Jasper asked me not to."

There was long pause. I shifted in my chair anxiously as they processed my words.

"So you two are friends?" Dad asked.

I nodded, feeling myself blush.

"You seem to really care for him?" Mom asked.

My hands started to sweat. I knew this was it. The whole truth was going to come out. I inhaled deeply, trying to slow my erratic heart. I looked at my parents then.

"I do... I really care for him. A lot. "

They both watched me, taking a moment to understand what I was really saying. I took a deep breath.

"Mom, dad, umm, I have something to say." I said, my voice wavering at the end. "I'm gay and I love Jasper," I blurted the truth out quickly, in one breath.

My vision became blurry with nerves and anticipation. The silence seemed to last forever. I thought I might have a panic attack. I could feel my parents' eyes on me and I met each of their gazes one after the other. I felt calmer after noticing there was no hatred or anger in them.

"Please, say something," I begged, incapable of waiting longer.

Mom got up from her chair and my heart literally stopped with horror. But then I watched her come towards me, and seconds later, I was in her arms again. My whole body loosened up and I held on to her firmly. She tightened her hold and kissed the top of my head.

I exhaled all the worries out.

Her hands framed my face and she pulled me away a little so that we could look at each other.

"We love you, Eddie. We will always love you. Never doubt that." She kissed my forehead again and pulled me into her arms once more.

When she let me go, I realized that dad was standing right next us. He smiled at me.

"Mom is right, you know? We will always love you. You're our favorite son." He asserted.

We all chuckled at our running joke of me being their favorite. "I'm your only child, dad." I said, rolling my eyes as usual.

"Doesn't change that we love you the most." He said, ruffling my hair, and beaming down at me.

I smiled back at both of them. "Thanks. I love you too. You're the best parents I have."

"We're your only parents," Mom said, giggling.

We all laughed, the tension of the whole day finally dissipating.

**He's finally out to his parents! Big sigh of relief! It took a while but it was worth it, right?**


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

By Saturday, I was a complete mess. I hadn't slept all week and a burning knot had settled in the pit of my stomach. Jasper hadn't come back to school since the fight. I had searched for him, and called him constantly, leaving desperate messages for him. But I'd gotten no news of him.

Memories of the horrid story he had told me tortured me viciously. His own words cut through me like mean blades, reminding me of how cruel people could be. The simple thought that Jasper could be beaten to death somewhere made me feel sick straight to my core. I felt a cold shiver run through my bones, the fear of him being hurt tearing me apart.

I rushed to the closet early, hoping with all my might that he would be there. I felt completely desperate and pathetic. I missed Jasper so much that my whole body ached, an infernal yearning replacing the blood in my veins. The worries that had twirled around my brain all week were making my head throb. I felt like utter shit.

I leaned against the cold granite wall of the closet and waited anxiously, my eyes fixated on the door. To be honest, I was terrified he wouldn't show up and that I would never see him again. I had this gnawing, unbearable feeling that I had lost him. And my heart couldn't handle that thought. I felt familiar moisture gather in my eyes and I swallowed my tears away with difficulty.

The door finally opened and I watched Jasper as he slipped into the closet, shutting the door immediately behind him. It was dark in here. My eyes blinked a few times, straining to see him. He stayed motionless across from me, leaning against the door. Silence grew between us.

I could feel his eyes roaming over my body as they examined me, stopping on my healing hands, and my barely swollen lip. My skin stretched and buzzed at the awareness that Jasper was mere feet away. It was odd how my body remembered him so well, his presence making me fell alert and alive. His intense gaze warmed my skin.

"Jasper," I exhaled loudly, feeling myself collapse with pure relief. Suddenly, tears rolled down my cheeks with immense gratitude. I finally let myself release all the fear and pain that I had held in these past few days, the utter dread that he could've been hurt gushed out shamelessly.

I looked back at him, and saw guilt and concern and grief burning in his eyes. His body flinched, his lips pressed into thin lines, and he glared at me with remorse.

"I'm so glad you're here," I murmured.

I watched him as he stood firmly on the other side of the closet, mute and cold.

"Are you okay?" I worried, my eyes searching his.

He surveyed the room and shrugged nonchalantly.

"It's going to be better now." I promised in a small voice.

In a flash, his eyes stared back at me, dark and intense.

"Don't get your hopes up," he hissed lowly.

I stifled a shudder that threatened to take over my body. He noticed my discomfort and shook his head apologetically. He forced a smile.

"Once I'm gone, everything will be fine," he whispered.

My heart clenched with dread.

"What? What are you saying?" I stuttered in panic.

Two dark orbs met mine. "The same that I've tried to tell you ever since we've met. I'm no good and it's better to stay away."

"Stop saying that, Jasper. It's not your fault. Nothing's ever been your fault."

He shook his head, his eyes staring at a spot on the ground.

"Jasper," I called his name, stepping closer to him in one long stride.

His sorrowful eyes met mine again. "I can't let history repeat itself, Edward. I just can't." He choked.

"But I'm fine," I exclaimed. "It's not the same, Jasper. You told the principal about Mike and Tyler, and they got suspended. And my parents know about it too. They know everything, and they're fine. They accept me. They accept you. We have people on our side."

He stepped back a little, seeming distressed.

"We're going back to Texas. We're leaving on Monday, Edward." He informed me flatly before spinning around to open the door. He paused, his hand already on the handle. "It's for the best. Believe me."

I completely freaked, my heart fell to the ground and my chest was so tight that I couldn't breathe.

_He was leaving._

I leaped forward and forced him to spin around. My lips were against his plump ones in a flash. They were strong and urgent. I kissed him with fervor, showing him how much he meant to me, letting him know that I couldn't lose him. At last his lips returned pressure. I was suddenly lost in a state of uncontrollable frenzy. Tongues met eagerly, twirling and dancing with fire. I needed his touches, his assurance that he was still here with me.

His hands travelled all over my body frantically, touching every inch of me. My hands buried themselves in his hair and tugged hard.

"You can't leave me," I reproached into his mouth, his taste lingering on my tongue perfectly, my body arching towards him with bliss, needing to feel more of him.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. "I'm so sorry."

I cradled his face and pulled him back a little so that I could see his eyes. He looked broken.

"You're okay?" I asked again.

He looked straight into my eyes with tender. Then he kissed me again and pushed himself against me hard. I gasped loudly. The friction was exhilarating. The haze fizzed in my brain, making it impossible for any thought process.

Jasper sucked on my earlobe and softly pulled it with his teeth until I moaned, then he breathed into my ear.

"I'm always okay when I'm here with you."

The warmth of his breath made me shiver all over, my already aroused body became stiff with lust.

His kisses trailed behind my ear and down my neck and then up again to my jaw. All the while his body rubbed magically against mine. I was on fire. My hands roamed hungrily under his shirt, up and down his back, urging him closer and closer to me.

I needed him so much. Nothing was enough.

"I need you, Jasper. Please," I begged, grinding myself against him.

He groaned loudly and I shivered with desire. I swiftly grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off of him.

His movements were rough and passionate, rubbing and groping all the right spots. We were both so desperate in our actions. His lips traveled down my neck, licking, sucking, biting, and trailed to my collarbone. I felt Jasper's hand unbutton my jeans and unzip it. He fell onto his knees, his eyes trained on my midsection. I looked down, mesmerized by the sight in front of me. His hands eagerly undressed me while his lips kissed every inch of my skin that was being stripped. His slick golden hair loosely fanned over his face and I couldn't see him. I brushed his hair back to unveil his precious face. He looked up at me then, his eyes glistening with wants. They were glowing, the way they only were when we were alone, hidden in this closet. He smiled. My heart squeezed at the sight. I loved his smile.

"I love you." I professed softly.

He leaned forward. His tongue licked my length adoringly before he took me completely into his mouth. I moaned and closed my eyes with satisfaction. He worked on me until my legs were shaking and I had to bite my own arm to not cry out loud as bliss took over. As I slowly came down from my orgasm, he gently kissed the inside of my thighs, still limp from the ecstasy that travelled down to my curling toes. I felt the heat tingle inside of me as I tried to catch my breath.

He pulled himself up and kissed me with softy. I melted against his lips, tasting myself on his tongue. My arms braced around his neck and pulled him closer, his body flushed against my satiated one. I could feel how hard he was and I shifted my hips to give him friction, while one of my hands snaked up to his hair, playing with his curls.

Jasper took hold of my arms and untangled them. He pushed himself away and looked at me sadly.

"I'm not good with goodbyes, darling." He said, stepping away from me.

"No," I gasped, mortified. He couldn't leave yet.

"It's for the best," he repeated from earlier.

"I need you. Please," I whimpered. "It'll be our farewell."

I stared at him, determined. His eyes were darkened with melancholy, a drop of desire shining intensely in the middle. I marveled at how beautiful his eyes were. There were so deep, like an ocean with no shore in sight. I could get lost in them.

"You can't just leave me like this," I sobbed, walking towards him.

"Don't," he pled.

I reached him anyway and clasped my arms around his waist. I kissed him, memorizing the softness of his lips and the sweetness of his taste. My hands reached for his pants and opened them. I kissed him softly, savoring him, while my hands slid under his boxers, caressing his soft skin as I undressed him. His head lifted up, staring at the ceiling, and I took the opportunity to pepper kissed down his throat, to that perfect spot where his neck met his shoulder.

Once his clothes were off, my hand wrapped around his length. He gasped loudly.

"Edward." He breathed, full of restraint.

Jasper barely moved, his breathing was erratic and his lidded gaze followed every single move I was making. The only sound in this small space was our labored breathing.

I let go of him and pulled my shirt off. I stood completely naked in front of him, waiting and hoping that he would agree to making love to me. Suddenly, I felt Jasper's hand cup my cheek. He then caressed my torso and down to my side before stopping at my waist. His touches were filled with so much tenderness, I felt worshipped.

He closed the gap between us and I felt his firm body press against mine. Desire lit into my impatient body. He pushed me backwards until I was pinned against the wall. His lips first brushed my temple, then lowered down to nibble my neck. I closed my eyes and allowed my senses to take over: the warmth of his lips, the firmness of his heated body, the vibration of his heart against my back.

My palms were securely pressed against the wall, one of my legs hitched around his hips, and then I felt his lubricated finger prying against my hole and pushing in. I pressed my forehead against his shoulder, and squeezed my eyes shut.

He kissed the top of my head with affection, his free hand caressing the back of my neck. The sensation was soothing. He snaked his arm down and he started caressing my chest gently. The sting of his finger inside of me became easier to accept as his other hand teased my nipples. I slowly relaxed and started to get used to the invasion. Then he added another finger. I bit my lip violently. His hand trailed lower down my torso. His fingers curled around my member and stroke hard as he continued to open me up with his other hand.

His warm kisses and stroke never faltered as he pulled his fingers out of me at last. He grabbed my thighs and pulled them up. I automatically wrapped my legs around him, holding him close to me, my back flushed against the wall for support.

We stared at each other and he slowly, very slowly, pushed in. He made exotic noises that resonated in the small space. I felt every inch of him stretch me and fill me up. I breathed deeply, forcing my body to yield to him. Once he was completely in, he stilled and waited. His brilliant eyes searched mine. We were both panting loudly, our bodies heaving up and down with strain.

As time passed, my body seemed to adjust to his presence inside of me. The pain slowly dissipated. He kissed me tenderly, his labored breathing caressing my skin.

"Edward," he practically groaned. "You're okay?"

His voice was so hoarse and husky, my body ignited with guttural desire. Lust rasped my insides with pure need.

I needed to feel him move inside of me.

I nodded and pressed my heels against his buttocks. He immediately started moving. His other hand restarted to pleasure me as he thrust into me smoothly but with force. He grunted and cursed with blissful gratification. Pain gradually turned into pleasure. I held on to him firmly and soon I was meeting him half way, pushing harder against him, letting him know that I wanted more, faster. He obliged. The thrusts accelerated, faster and faster, and I felt him going deeper and deeper. We were both grunting and moaning breathlessly. The sound of our lovemaking echoed in the closet. It was a frantic, mesmerizing dance, our slick body meeting and parting in quick intervals. All too soon, we both exploded with ecstasy, blissful cries resonating against the walls.

His body slumped heavily against mine. I could feel him so perfectly. His body was sweaty, hot and trembling. My arms and legs shook with exertion. I dropped my legs to the floor and my body collapsed. The coolness of the wall was an extreme contrast to my burning, wet flesh. We were both breathlessly heaving, our orgasms still cascading, draining us of all energy.

After a while, he pealed himself off of me. I felt empty. Coldness enveloped me whole. It was a devastating reminder that he was leaving me.

I closed my eyes, trying to only focus on the blissful tingles washing through me.

I couldn't move yet, leaning naked against that wall. I listened as he pulled on his pants and zipped them up.

Then, there was nothing. Stillness replaced the frantic moans of earlier. We didn't move and didn't say anything. There was a heavy silence that plagued the room.

I squeezed my eyes shut, my heart clenching as well. I tried to catch my breath, and suddenly felt a wrenching pang in my chest. It hurt badly.

I heard his feet shuffle against the floor, then I listened as the door opened slightly, and closed again, leaving desolation and darkness as my only companions.

I let myself slide down to the floor and I curled up against the cold granite. My body was aching and I felt exhausted but my mind was numb.

After a while, I forced myself to get up and to get dressed. I stepped out of the closet feeling completely hollow.

I knew I wouldn't be able to work today and so I stumbled down the hallway to the exit door. I was soar and walking only reminded me of him. I pushed all thoughts away as I reached the end of the hallway.

I knew then that I would never see him again.

**Poor Edward... I hope you guys don't hate me... And don't hate Jasper either...**


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm so sorry for the long wait. I promise the next one will be posted faster.**

**This is in Jasper's POV.**

CHAPTER 21

I let out a long, painful exhale out of my lungs. I felt my entire body turn into stone, my chest squeezing so hard that I didn't believe my heart was even beating anymore. I shut my eyes closed and thought of colors and shapes. I did not think of green eyes, red lips and flushed cheeks. I did not think of auburn hair and milky skin. I refused to think about him. I just had to leave him behind, forget about him, because I was gone now, far away from my Edward, far away from the only place where I belonged. I didn't think of how I had broken his heart and left him spent in that closet without a word. I didn't think of how I already regretted not staying with him and holding him tight after making love to him. I couldn't think about all that so I continued to focus on random shapes and colors instead. I wished I had my notebook with me. It was the only way to completely distract myself from these tormenting feelings gnawing at my insides.

Mama grabbed my arm as the plane started its descent. I wanted to recoil from her touch but I sustained. I didn't want to start a new fight. Instead, I turned away from her and looked out the window.

Texas.

I took another inhale in, trying to fight against the growing pain. My fists balled up tightly. How could my mom take me back to this nightmare. I felt all my old fears and torture and hatred flare inside like an eruption. It burnt like hell.

Everything was hazy as we got out of the plane and met up with Aunt Jane, who came to pick us up from the airport in dad's pick-up truck. Mama and Auntie exchanged a few hushed words before settling into the car. They continued to chat cheerfully in the front, letting me wallow in my misery in the back. They were ignoring me, which was more than fine by me. I didn't want to talk. And I really didn't care about what they'd have to say to me either.

Mama had already said all that was possible to me. Her words were unfortunately stuck in my brain: I was an embarrassment and the worst son anyone would want. I always screwed everything up. I was ungrateful and a disgusting fag. I would rote in hell for being queer even after knowing what god did to people like me.

I closed my eyes again, my head leaning against the side window, hoping in vain to sleep and forget.

Edward's face appeared behind my eyelids. A wrenching spasm tugged at my heart.

I couldn't think about him. Not now, when I was already crumbling to shreds. I was too weak and too broken to even try to remember him, to picture him all alone and crying on the floor of our closet. I had no courage or strength to deal with the amount of remorse I felt for what had happened between us. I hated myself for sleeping with him, knowing full well that it would hurt him more at the end. I had promised myself to give him a clean break, an easy way to move on, but I had screwed it up dramatically. I'd had to be selfish. I had to indulge in his tenderness and beauty one last time. I had to use him while he was vulnerable, taking advantage of his sadness for my own pleasure. And then I had broken his heart.

No, I couldn't think about him right now. It hurt too much. I despised myself too much.

I inhaled deeply, pushing all thoughts away. The car reeked like cigarettes, just the same as always.

This place brought back too many dreadful memories. The fight and physical pain that these bigots had inflicted on me that infamous day. The guilt and pure remorse of what had happened to Peter. The way my old friends and my family had rejected me after I came out. The hatred and blame from the whole damn town after the incident. The complete injustice of how authorities treated the case and the disregard for my own rights and safety.

Texas had ruthlessly abandoned me, and now I was back here, and I felt sick. My pulse was racing and my fingers dug painfully into my legs.

When we turned the corner by Mr. Hunter's store, I saw the house where I grew up in. I literally felt my guts flip upside down. The air was too thick and the sun was too hot. As soon as auntie Jane parked the truck, I jolted out of the car and ran inside. I made my way to the bathroom and swiftly locked the door before slumping down on the floor. I was heaving, feeling utterly nauseous and faint. I crawled to the toilet bowl and emptied my stomach, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Homecoming had been as horrible as I expected it to be. After the initial meltdown, I fled to my old room as soon as possible and avoided all outside contact.

The whole damn family kept on glaring at me with disgust and disappointment on their faces and, somehow, I kept on walking on hushed conversation and interrupted words. They always stopped talking when I entered a room and exchanged some weird secret glances at each other. Granny and auntie Jane spent hours in the kitchen with mama, but they never bothered to talk to me.

So I stayed in my old room and locked the door. I couldn't watch their judging glares and their superior smirks. I couldn't listen to everything that was wrong with me, and how atrocious my actions have been. I hid with the curtain drawn, concentrating only on writing and drawing in my notebook.

"Jaz" a piercing, familiar voice reached me through the door.

I shut my eyes closed and wished for her to leave me alone.

"Jazzy, I know you're in there. Open the damn door and let me in."

A rush of emotions poured out of me. Sadness and shame overwhelmed me. I couldn't face her. I was too weak and pathetic, and she had always been so strong and so stubborn. I didn't want to show her how low I had fallen.

"Leave me alone, Rosie."

"Open the door, Jaz." She ordered.

Instinctively, I obeyed and got up. I went to open the door and found myself face to face with my favorite cousin, her big blue eyes shone with happiness.

"You look like shit Jazzy," she stated.

I bursted out laughing. It felt good.

"I've missed you too, cuz," I replied with sarcasm.

She immediately took me in her arms and squeezed me tight. The warmth and unconditional love she gave me almost broke me. I had to stop breathing and swallowed hard to not let any tears escape.

She let go of me, a frown on her face. She was staring behind me at the nightstand. I followed her gaze and noticed the magazines.

"So, I guess Auntie was able to save your soul after all while in Washington," she said, looking at all the playboys spread on the table.

I chuckled and shook my head.

"Not a chance. But apparently, Alec thinks he can brainwash me into liking women by giving me all of his stash of porn." I replied with a scowl.

"This family is unbelievable," she fumed.

Then her face lit up again. "So, what do you wanna do tonight? I was thinking that we could hang out with Peter and Charlotte."

My heart leaped at the mention of his name.

I shook my head vehemently.

"Come on. It'll be fun to all be together again. Emmett is coming too," she said with a smile way too sweet for Rosalie.

"I have things to do," I lied.

"Bullshit. You've been locked up in this room since you got back. You need to get out and see your friends. We've been waiting for you to call us or show up at our door for more than a week. But you haven't even tried to reach out to us. We've missed you, ya know."

I knew she was talking only for herself. Nobody else cared for me in this town anymore.

"Why would Peter wanna see me?" I asked in a low voice.

She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. "Because you're his best friend, dumbass."

I laughed dryly. "What a friend I've been. Getting him into a coma and paralyzed for life."

Saying these words out loud made it all so real. The tightness in my chest came back. I squeezed my eyes shut and dragged my tensed hand into my hair. It was a gesture I've gotten from Edward.

"Jasper, stop it." She came closer to me and grabbed my hand that was unconsciously trying to pull my hair off. "You need to get over your guilt trip, Jasper. Nobody blames you. Peter doesn't blame you."

I shook my head over and over. I didn't want to hear her lies. I couldn't listen to her trying to make me feel better when horrible things had happened because of me.

"We all know that Felix and Aro are the ones to blame, and they beat the crap out of you too. You were hurt too."

But not as bad as Peter, that's what I thought. How I had wished it would've been me in that hospital bed instead of him. Because it was me they hated, not Peter.

"Jaz," Rosalie called my name, trying to regain my attention.

"Rose, I just can't. I can't face him. He got beat up because of me, and then I left. I escaped to a different place while he got stuck in a hospital bed, probably never walking again in his life. And I just went to a different school, moved on, fell in love, while he… he still has the scars on him, for the rest of his life. He can't move on. And it's still all my fault, no matter what anybody says. It's my fault. It's all my fuckin fault."

By the end of my rant, my voice had reached high volume and my whole body was shaking.

Rosalie stared at me, her eyes a little wide and her mouth open. She seemed at a loss for words, which never happened to her. Her gaze looked sad and it made me feel guilty for trying to bring her down with me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. It's just that being back here, it's…" I exhaled heavily, my heart still pounding too hard inside of me. I needed to shake away this bad energy pulsating through me.

Before I could find the words to finish my thoughts, there was a knock on the door. Emmett emerged.

"Hey dudes, what's up? I thought we were all meeting at Pete's." He exclaimed, walking towards us and placing one of his big arms around Rosalie's shoulders.

"Em, babe, could you please give us a minute?" Rose asked softly, her eyes still fixated on me.

He didn't respond to her. His happy smile disappeared as he watched me. His brow furrowed and then he looked from me to Rose and back at me.

"Hey, bro, are ya alright? You look a little agitated there." He said in a lower voice.

My hand flew to my hair once more. I attempted to smile.

"I'm fine, Em. I'm just tired or somethin'. But, it's good to see you again, man." I said, adding some energy to my voice to sound convincing.

He examined me a little longer, and I knew I didn't fool him. But after a few long seconds, he smiled and extended his fist towards me. I bumped it back and nodded at him.

"It's nice to have you back. We've missed you."

The door crept open and I glanced to see who else was coming in, and all of sudden, I felt the blood drain out of me. My eyes latched into his as I watched, frozen. There was tension, and a heavy silence, around us.

Peter slowly wobbled in, two crutched on either sides. His movements were slow and strenuous. He looked straight at me while approaching us. His face was just as always: calm and content. He smiled at me. There was no hate and no blame. Just happiness at seeing me. But I still couldn't move. I felt my whole body ooze into shock. This had been the moment I had dreaded the most. I wanted to run away. I wanted to hide. My heart flipped and my guts clenched. And I didn't know what to do or what to say.

"I didn't believe any of these fools when they said you were back," he chuckled, his dimples showing as his smile grew.

His voice was just as I remembered, light and playful. My brain was stuck and I couldn't comprehend what I saw and heard. The panic became sorrow as I noticed the beads of sweat on his forehead making his scar on the left side glisten a little, and the way his feet were not positioned well for him to stand up easily.

He said my name softly into the quiet of the room. I just continued to stare, utterly mute.

"Here you go," Rosalie broke the silence, pulling a chair near Peter for him.

"No thanks, Rosie." He said as he continued walking towards me.

My breath accelerated as I watched him getting closer. He stood right in front of me and I clutched my eyes shut. Seeing his face triggered too many memories.

I felt his arms envelop me and he squeezed hard. His hug felt as nice as I remembered too. I let myself melt into his arms. And then finally, I could move again. I wrapped my arms around him as well and held him tight.

"You're walking." I croaked. And I felt kind of stupid that my first words to Peter after a year and a half were to state the most obvious.

"And I climbed the stairs today, just to see your sorry ass." He said before laughing. "You can't hide from me," he added.

"Actually, I remember being pretty good at hide and seek back in the ol' days." I chuckled back, feeling strangely emotional all of a sudden.

"I'm fine, Jaz. Everything's okay now." He whispered.

I tightened my grip around him and felt tears escape. Peter let me cling on to him and patted my back soothingly.

**What did you think of switching POVs? Jasper needed to deal with his past before he might think of the future... Please leave me a review!**

**By the way, we are approaching the end. *sigh* I believe there are 2 more chapters to go...**

**Happy Holidays!**


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

It was kind of crazy how life just continued. Rosalie, Emmett, Peter and his girlfriend Charlotte, and I picked up where we had left off before. It was as if I had never left.

But I had.

And I had moved on. I had made a new friend, all the way in Forks, Washington. And even though I had found my old friends, and I had somehow been able to heal old wounds, I was missing Edward terribly.

It became kind of pathetic how every time I opened my closet to take a piece of clothing, my mind went back to that special closet at the end of the first floor hallway at the hospital. And every time I received a hug from either Rose or Peter, I remembered warmer and firmer arms holding me. And any time I saw something green, I thought of his mesmerizing emeralds gazing straight into my eyes.

"What are thinking about?" Peter wondered, interrupting one of my day dream about Edward.

I shrugged and stared at the tv.

"Nothin'." I mumbled before shoving popcorns in my mouth.

"You haven't even told us about Forks, man." Emmett said while snatching the bowl of popcorns from me.

"Because there's nothing to say. It freackin' rained all the time. And people hated my Texan twang," I hissed back.

"How could they not dig the cowboy style?" Charlotte exclaimed, giving gooey eyes to Peter.

"Well, they just didn't."

Peter frowned. He had always been protective of me, which is how he got hurt in the first place.

"So people were not very welcoming I guess."

I shrugged again because, honestly, I didn't want to think of these jerks like Riley and James, or Mike and Tyler.

"Mama said auntie brought you back here because you got into a fight again." Rosalie said, her eyebrows arching.

"Yeah, and?"

"What happened, man? Do you need us to go all the way there to beat up somebody?"

"No!" I immediately yelled. It was instinctive. All four of them stared at me, eyes wide.

I breathed in. "Sorry. I just mean, I don't want anybody getting into any fight for me. Ever again."

Peter flinched next to me.

My hand raked my hair, and I thought of Edward again. I looked at Peter, and then turned to Emmett.

"I appreciate the offer, Em. I'm really touched that you all want to defend me and all. But I think we all learned our lesson, right?"

I looked at Peter again. He was frowning.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He stared at me with an intense gaze.

"Are you mad at me for stepping in the way I did?"

"What? No. Of course I'm not mad. I'm more than grateful, Pete. I owe you my life. But I just… I wished you hadn't. For your sake."

He patted my shoulder. "You know I would do it again if I had to. I don't regret it at all."

There was something stuck in my throat. I tried to swallow but it was hard to.

"Does that mean that somebody jumped in for you over there too?" Rosalie teased as if she already knew the answer.

"Umm... yeah. Somebody did. Even though I told him more than once to stay away from it."

Rosalie smiled, all knowing.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Jazzy boy," Emmett guffawed.

I flinched at the word boyfriend.

"No. I don't." I barked. Emmett flinched and his smile disappear.

"Why?" Rosalie pestered in an accusing tone.

"What do you mean, why? I just don't have one." I barked again, upset.

"Well you obviously met someone. And you told me you fell in love. And apparently he cared enough to defend you and fight. So why don't you have a boyfriend, Jasper," she exclaimed firmly, her piercing blue eyes digging a hole into my head.

"Because he's in Forks and I'm in Texas. And because I got him in trouble, and he got hurt because of me, and I don't want him to suffer because of me. Because I know that I would only bring more problems and I don't want that for him. Because I'm bad luck and I screw everything up." I let it all out in a stream.

"Oh, Jasper," Charlotte hummed softly, as Rosalie took my hand and squeezed it.

"So you really love him." She stated with no question in her tone.

I startled at how obvious I had been. I nodded.

"He's… He's everything to me. He's the only one that can make me feel completely calm and forget about all the shit around," I confessed, my eyes on my feet.

"So just call him, dude," Emmett said.

"It's not that simple, Em. I just explained why it's better for him without me. He's too pure and too nice to be brought into my hell."

"Stop with the self-loathing, Jaz. It's starting to sound redundant," Rosalie exclaimed.

"You should just contact him, if you love him the way you say. You deserve that kind of happiness, Jaz," Charlotte asserted.

I ignored the romantic girls and found a way to retreat to my room early. That conversation had bothered me in more ways than one.

Later that night, I couldn't sleep at all. I thought about the conversation and I thought about the rest of my life without seeing Edward. And shit, it hurt to just think about that possibility.

I closed my notebook and slipped it under my pillow. It was already 2:30 in the morning. I sighed and shut down the lights. I knew it was time to go to bed.

But I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep.

I hadn't been able to sleep since I had left Edward behind. The calm and safety that he had provided me with vanished the day I broke his heart. He had been the one to help me accept myself, and it had been his friendship, smiles and hugs, that had somehow made all of my nightmares disappear at last. Edward had giving me life again.

But Edward was far away from me now. And there was nothing to help me feel good anymore.

I pushed away the expired college applications that were spread on my bed and settled under the cover. I thought of the friends I just recently reconnected with. I marveled at how Peter walked so well and how determined he was with his physical therapy, and I was so appreciative of how Charlotte was so supportive of him. I smiled in the dark when I thought of Rose and how she didn't change at all in the year and half since I moved away. She was still quick at mocking me, and yet she was the first one to defend me or give me a hug when I needed it.

I knew I was lucky to still have these friends on my side, after everything that had happened. I couldn't believe how they didn't blame me or didn't resent me. They didn't hate me, and that was the best feeling in the world.

But my chest squeezed. Because I knew that wasn't the best of best feeling in the world. Memories of another place haunted me.

_Jasper, are you okay? _ His worried, beloved voice echoed in my head.

_i'm always okay when I'm with you._ My own whispered memory cut through my limbs.

_I wish I could something, _his words from another memory spoke.

_You make me feel so good, Edward. When you look at me like this, I forget about everything else. And when you touch me, I feel like nothing bad exist in this world._

The truth that had resonated in the closet between Edward and I still burnt my insides, its honesty ingrained in my brain forever.

My angry fingers weaved in my hair and pulled hard. How could I have left him behind when he was my happiness.

I wondered if he would be able to forgive me the way Peter and Rose did.

I grabbed my phone and scanned through my old texts to find Bella's. I had contacted when I first arrived in Texas to fish out any updates possible about Edward. Bella had been reluctant at first. She was probably upset with me as well. I wondered if Edward had shared what had happened during our last encounter. Bella would definitely hate me if she only knew how I had used him.

But after harassing her constantly, she had finally caved in and sent me an answer.

B: Edward looks a little morose. What happened exactly? Eric, Angie and I are trying our best to cheer him up.

Every time I re-read these words, it hurt. My mom was right, I screwed up everything I touched. I was a horrible person.

I scrolled down and found the second and last text she sent me.

B: He's trying to move on, Jaz. He's smiling sometimes now. And he asked me to the prom? Don't hate me, ok? You know we're just friends. Hope you're doing ok back home. Try to be happy. Love ya.

The feeling was bittersweet, because I wanted him to move on and be happy, but it made me sad to think that he was forgetting about me.

I closed my phone and placed it on my night table. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to not picture him in a tux and how dazzling he would look. I imagined a parallel universe where we could've gone together, as a date, as a real couple.

I knew how Edward had wished that our relationship would be open, out of the closet, both the literally and metaphorically.

But I also knew that I never could've given him what he wanted. I was too scared, too weak. I feared the hatred of people. I feared what they would do to my Edward. And so I had asked him to hide, to pretend he wasn't who he was.

I shook my head, the feeling in my chest becoming heavier and heavier the more I thought about my actions and what I had done to him. I felt utterly ashamed of the situation I had put him in.

Suddenly, a text startled me. I glanced at it, expecting it to be from Emmett or Peter. I was surprise to see Bella's name on my screen.

B: Check out youtube. Forks High valedictorian speech goes viral.

I frowned and hurried to my computer. I searched the speech she was talking about and found it in no time.

My heart thumped too loud to concentrate on the exact words. My eyes were glued to the screen and my whole body was humming with relief and joy. I replayed the video a hundreds time. Hearing his voice, seeing him again after all this time was amazing. A wired energy oozed through me, making me feel antsy and ecstatic all at once.

By the time the sun rose, I knew the speech by heart. And I knew for sure that I had to go back to him.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi! Quick announcement before you read. I did say that this would be the last chapter, but as I started to write, I realized it would have to be split into 2 chapters. So, there'll be 1 more after this one... I'm kinda relieved I don't have to say bye yet :) **

**We are back with Edward in Forks. (EPOV)**

CHAPTER 23

There had been a time after he left when I thought I wouldn't be able to smile ever again. The heaviness and the continuous throbs that took over me were impossible to put into words. I would, mostly unconsciously, recall and replay everything I had shared with Jasper in that closet. From the first time I saw tears roll down his cheeks to that very first glimpse of happiness I had witnessed. It was impossible to forget the comforting touches, the desperate kisses and all of the time he had moaned my name in the height of pleasure.

And yes I also replayed our last time. I remembered the moment when lust won him over and then he took me the way I needed him to. Sometimes, I could still feel the way his fingers pried me open with such care, the way his heavy breath washed over me, the way I felt whole and scared and completely gratified when we finally became one.

But today, I was moving forward. Today was graduation day. And as I unfolded the piece of paper from my back pocket, sitting down on my bed, I felt a little wiser and little more hopeful today.

Mom and dad were ecstatic about graduation. They hadn't stopped talking about this day since I announced that I was valedictorian and that I would have to make a speech.

Mom constantly looked at me with dreamy eyes and a tender smile. She would sometimes have to wipe away a tear that would trickle down her rosy cheek. She kept on murmuring. "Oh, Edward, I'm so proud of you."

Dad would grin at me and ruffled my hair often. "My son!" he would sigh with satisfaction.

I, on the other hand, did not care for the upcoming ceremony. I just wanted to speak my peace and be over with it. All of it. Because I was moving forward. I hated everything about high school: the people, the memories, the pain, the regrets, and that empty seat in the back of the cafeteria.

I didn't want to be reminded of who I had been for so many years, pretending to be ordinary, trying to be like Mike and Tyler, having to hide my true self.

I didn't have to pretend and hide anymore. I was willing and ready to be out in the open. I didn't want to notice that ache that had settled in my heart, the familiar stab that told me I couldn't completely be the person I wanted to be, that reminded me that a part of me had been ripped away, snatched all the way to Texas, along with Jasper.

I clenched the piece of paper with my speech on it and slumped down on my bed. I was already dressed, and my parents were waiting for me downstairs to head over to the school.

But I needed a breather. I needed to collect my thoughts and to be alone for a minute.

As I thought about my years in high school, and how my life had completely changed during junior year, I realized how everything had to do with Jasper. He was the center of all of my actions and goals. He was the reason I was who I was.

I missed him.

I used to hate him after he left. I had doubted everything we'd ever shared. I had doubted each of his touches and every gazes we exchanged. I had believed that he had used me. I made him to be a liar.

And then I had realized that he had never told me that he loved me, and that he had always told me he was no good. I realized I had been a pathetic fool and that I had imagined it all. I started to hate myself.

But then I still remembered his touches, his silent gazes, his whispered words. I remembered the trust and shared secrets. And I still pictured the glimmer in his eyes and the smiles that brightened everything. And there was no doubt really. I knew that it had all been real.

So now, I missed him. A lot.

I sighed and forced the memories back. I folded the paper neatly and finally got the courage to walk downstairs to join my overjoyed parents. We drove to school, and my parents were talking nonstop. Mom was checking the camcorder over and over, worried that it would suddenly not work, and that she wouldn't be able to capture this marvelous moment on video.

When we got to school, after mom took pictures and dad gave me a pep talk, I left them so that they could go and find good seats. I walked to the gym, and my thoughts drifted once again to how much my life had changed.

Bella had easily become my new best friend once Jasper had left. She knew what I felt without asking. She figured it all out but never mentioned anything. And I appreciated it more than I let her know.

At school the others had resumed their rumors. The clues they fabricated had created a perfectly good story to them: Bella and I were dating. I had used Jasper to get to her, which was why I had spent time with him in the first place. They believed that I had never been friends with him. And the reason I had fought on his side against Mike and Tyler had all been a ruse to impress Bella. Because Bella and Jasper had really been friends. And, in their minds, I was completely in love with Bella.

In the eyes of my classmates, I was still a part of the popular kids. I was arrogant, mischievous, and used people to get what I wanted. In their concocted tale, I had played everybody and hurt some in the process because I had decided to make Bella mine.

People had stopped teasing me and stopped avoiding me now. I was back to being the Edward Cullen they had always thought they knew. And they enjoyed the fact that I had apparently won in that crazy scheme they had invented. They glorified me.

They didn't understand anything and I despised them. I remained quiet and distant for the end of the year. I was somehow becoming more and more like my Jasper. I ignored and avoided contact with others, except for my small circle of friends.

I entered the gymnasium and I paid more attention to my surrounding, leaving my thoughts behind. I looked around to find my friends. Bella, Angie and Ben called me over with big grins. They were excited. I managed to return a smile as I approached them. Our new friends Bree and Seth joined us as well. We chatted for a while before we had to line up alphabetically to start the ceremony.

Bella stayed behind a little longer and looked at me quietly. She squeezed my hand tenderly – supportively - and whispered a good luck before finding her spot.

My chest constricted as I thought about the real friends I made this year. The affection and comfort of true friendship was something pretty amazing, and I felt really lucky.

And then I thought about him again. My best friend. My soul mate. I wondered if he was attending another graduation ceremony, somewhere in Texas. I hoped that nobody was torturing him, shaming him for being the beautiful person he was. I wished him to have good friends around him too.

People talked and people cheered. Names were called and people were congratulated. And then I heard my name and I was being introduced.

I took my paper out and cautiously walked across the stage to the podium. I saw mom waving at me, a gigantic smile on her face. I stared into the faces in the audience, these faces that I've seen all my life, these faces that didn't know me the way Jasper knew me.

I took a deep inhale and looked down at my paper.

"I am honored to be standing up here today, and to address all of you, teachers, fellow classmates and our families. But even more, today, I am happy and thrilled to say that high school is finally behind us."

Cheers and claps erupted from the students.

"We, the graduating class of 2012, have managed to survive the constant intimidation and cunning from our peers. We endured cruel games, persisted through hurtful gossips, and overcame ruthless rumors. We are strong and we are survivors." I paused and scanned the crowed. They were quiet.

"Most of us only got our egos trampled upon, with hidden scars and secret pains in the process. But others got broken bones and destroyed spirits. "

I stared into the blank faces in the audience, frowns and confusion settling in. My eyes fell upon Bella. She gave me a supportive smile while nodding at my words.

"I've learned a lot about myself during this journey at Forks High, and like most of you, I've discovered things about myself that I thought I couldn't share with anybody. Inside a comforting closet, behind walls and closed doors, I came to accept that I was gay. And thus, I am glad to know that high school is behind us at last. Because, here, we were never encouraged to become individuals. We were never allowed to be unique. During these four years, we've learned about conformity and the need to fit in. We've learned about how to alienate people and how to marginalize those who do not follow. Bullying was part of our daily life, either by inflicting it, witnessing it or suffering from it. And I've seen shame and fear because of it. And I've seen wounds that couldn't heal. And I heard of hate crimes and beatings that were never brought to justice."

My gaze got lost far beyond the rows of seats as I thought of Jasper and of his life back in Texas. I prayed he was okay. I wished I were already the person I will strive to be so that I could save him and protect him from all the evil of this world.

I took a deep breath before finishing my speech.

"During high school, I've learned about that metaphorical closet and that opaque mask behind which we all hide. But I won't stay shut anymore. I am ready to step out of the closet and denounce the offenders. I'm ready to venture into the wider world. I'm ready to become the person I really am. I am relieved and happy to know that high school is not where it ends. I know there are better places to see, and better ways of living. As an incoming law student at Stanford University, I will grow stronger and I will fight for justice and for civil rights. And I urge my fellow graduates to come out of hiding, to expand their horizons and to accept the differences. I wish you all meaningful discoveries and valuable novelties, and especially, I hope that you will find courage and pride in becoming the persons you truly want to be. Congratulations class of 2012, and good luck."

When I got off the stage people were still clapping but it seemed to be more out of a forced tradition, a polite ritual, than to applaud and congratulate me for what I said.

I could see and hear people whispering, scowling and looking around at others.

"Did I tell you how proud we are of you?" Mom said once I joined them, hugging me protectively.

"Way too many times" I answered.

"I love you" mom added as she tightened her hold on me.

"Thanks" I muttered embarrassed, and secretly delighted to have parents as loving as they were. That pain in my guts seared anew. Each time I acknowledged how amazing my parents were, I was reminded of how horrible Jasper's mom was. And I got hot and bothered, in a bad way, with so much loath and fury in me.

I shook off my inner thoughts and scanned the room. I noticed some staring at us, questions or astonishment in their eyes. I didn't bother to study if there was hate or disgust in their gazes. I continued to search the crowd until I finally saw Bella wave at me. I nodded in her direction. She skipped towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"It was perfect." She whispered in my ears. "You're coming to the party at La Push on Saturday, right?"

I winced a little. I didn't want to be around people. I was done with high school and I wanted to be gone as soon as possible.

"You promised." She whined sweetly. "It's just gonna be Jacob, Seth and their friends. And our crew. That's it. You have to come. This is probably our last time together."

I sighed loudly and she smiled, already knowing she won.

"Fine. I will. For you." I relinquished.

"Yay. See you there." She cheered before kissing me on the cheek and hugging me again.

**Don't forget to review...**

**Once again, thank you so much for all the amazing comments and love I've received so far. Once I'm done with the last chapter, I will try to get back to all of you :)**


	24. Chapter 24

And here is the last chapter...

CHAPTER 24

I woke up trembling, my heart pounding too fast against my chest. I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself down as I remembered my dream. It had felt so real and I had been so scared. All the people I knew so well had been in my dream, throwing rocks at me while I was on stage delivering my speech. I was bleeding and hurting but their attacks were relentless. They screamed horrendous slurs at me, stoning me until I crumbled. And once I lay on the floor in pain, the crowd rushed to me. They kicked and spat and hissed some more crude words. And I remembered seeing him appear in my dream. Jasper had suddenly been here, kneeling next to me. He was crying as he whimpered: "I told you so."

His words echoed in my head as I felt my heartbeat slow down. My room was still dark and I reached for my phone to look at the time. I noticed I had a few text messages but ignored them. It was only six in the morning and I groaned, pulling the cover over my face.

I tried to go back to sleep but the dream left a weird feeling behind. I felt restless and filled with angst and worries. Even though I had felt relief in delivering the truth on stage, I now felt an eerie apprehension that someone, or a group of people, would attack me for my words.

As I lay in bed, I recalled what happened after I had made my speech. There had been unease and nasty malice in the air after graduation. Teachers, parents, and classmates had muttered insults and scowled at me. Glares had been thrown my way and neighbors had avoided my parents and me.

As the fear crept in, I thought about Jasper and about how he had tried to protect me, and to warn me, about the traitorous hate of others. I wondered how he would react to my words if he could have heard them. Would he be proud? Would he be mad that I talked so freely, so openly, about myself? Would he be angry that I had put myself at risk of harm?

The words from my dream came back to me: "I told you so."

My phone beeped and I peeked to see who it was. I was surprised to see so many messages awaiting me. The crazy, nonsensical result of my speech suddenly became utterly clear as I read my texts.

I hurried out of bed and grabbed my laptop. Once I logged on to Facebook, I was met with hundreds of messages and tags on my page. It seemed to be the only thing people of Forks were talking about. And after longer examination, even people beyond the town were commenting and sharing links. Somebody had even posted my full speech on youtube, and there were already more than a thousand views.

I felt overwhelmed and yet hopeful. Because most of the comments were positive. People were supportive and encouraging.

I wondered if Jasper would hear about my speech too.

In the following days, I felt a whirlwind of frenzy and excitement as my speech became the catalyst for a whole national outburst. The video was played over and over again, and it had reached extraordinarily high numbers of views. Gay bashing, hate crimes, bullying, school safety, and the fairness of today's justice system. Politicians, psychologists and educators discussed these topics on tv and in the press, mentioning my name as an example. People in the news quoted my speech and found other teenagers who suddenly wanted to share their own stories to support my views.

I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that my speech had reached so many people. It was completely unbelievable.

My speech had been personal. It had been to help myself. I had written it as a need to free myself, an urge to start becoming the Edward I knew I should be. I did it because I felt ashamed for not having stepped up earlier. I did it because I felt guilty for not defending my Jasper soon enough. I did it because I needed to be able to sleep again at night, with no regrets and no shame. I had to speak out so I could start hoping again. It was supposed to be about my experiences and about what I'd learned from Jasper's friendship. It was about moving forward and learning from your past. It was about wishing a better future.

I never thought my words would touch so many people. I never even fathomed that so many people would relate. I never imagined that they were so many more like Jasper. And I was utterly baffled by the responses to my speech, all these people who shared their own struggles and pains.

A few days later, I got a visitor. I remembered him from last year, but had never talked to him before. His name was Garrett. He was a year older than me so we had never interacted in school. He came to see me to confess to being the one who posted the video on youtube. He had been at graduation with his parents to see his sister graduate. He explained to me how my words had touched him. Him and his friends had always been picked on in school. Him for being gay, Alice for being crazy and weird, and Maria for being chubby and having an accent. They had suffered a lot during high school, and he had been beaten a few times in the parking lot by James and Laurent.

The stories from people kept on pouring in. I couldn't believe that they were so many. It made me sad and yet it was a cathartic experience. It almost made me feel powerful.

So as I drove to La Push for the party Bella forced me to attend, I couldn't help but feel optimistic and lighthearted. I could, indeed, feel the beginning of new chapter in my life.

Bella and her boyfriend Jacob were sitting on the beach by a fire. Angela and Bree were sitting on a log near them. They were all laughing. A few other guys were playing Frisbee closer to the water. I approached my friends with a smile and was greeted with happy cheers. I sat with them and we easily chatted about the summer and college life. Ben joined us with a few cans of beer.

"So Edward, are you gonna be on Oprah one of these days?" Ben teased my sudden fame.

I rolled my eyes as Jacob joined in. "I could totally see him breaking down with Oprah, both of them crying and hugging. It would be a hit. Better than Tom Cruise jumping on the couch!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I growled, annoyed. "Whatever."

They all laughed.

"But did you know that Ellen really contacted him," Bella announced with excitement. " She wants him to go on the show."

I cringed a little at the disclosed fact. I felt somewhat embarrassed to be gaining attention because of Jasper's suffering.

"Oh my god, really?" Angie exclaimed. "You have to go! I love her!"

I shook my head. "No… I don't have anything to say."

"Being humble is cute for a minute, but stop with that bullshit now. You have tons to say and people are apparently listening to you," Bella retorted, surprisingly bluntly.

My hand unconsciously weaved its way through my tousled hair, my eyes staring at my foot that was digging into the sand.

"I said everything I wanted to. I have nothing more to say. And anyway, _I _didn't go through any of it. It's not my story to share." I stated.

Nobody answered. The air was strangely quiet. I looked back up at my friends and my breath got stuck in my lungs. My heart tried to jump out of my chest, while wanting to drop low in the pit of my stomach simultaneously, and all the meanwhile unable to resist doing flips and spins against my ribcage.

I stared a long time while he stared back at me. Our eyes were once again connected. And everybody else stared at us too.

I didn't trust my eyes. I couldn't believe that Jasper would be here, standing in front of me, looking at me with more passion and jubilation than ever before.

He raked a hand in his long, wavy locks and then approached closer to me. He was so beautiful.

"Edward," he said. His voice was a mixture of a plea, a question and some kind of reverence.

It didn't matter what he meant by it. My body was already reacting. My name on his lips always affected me so strongly.

I stood as he stepped forward, and just like that we were mere inches from each other. We continued to stare, our gazes locked and intense and healing. I could almost feel his body, but there was still too much space between us.

Suddenly, I smiled. Because he was really here, in front of me. He had come back for me. He had heard my speech and had travelled back from Texas to be with me. And at this instant, there was no doubt that he loved me.

He smiled back at me and leaned a little closer. I felt fire simmer under my skin.

"Edward," he repeated, and there was only adoration in his tone this time.

My arms wrapped around his neck in an instant, and I crashed my lips against his. I kissed him with everything I had. After the initial shock, I felt his hands grab my hips as his tongue came to meet mine. He tasted just the same and yet, he tasted even better without the secrets and the fear and the shame. My hands drifted into his hair and I tugged hard. His fingers dug into my flesh, pulling me against him. We both moaned at the sensation.

He pushed gently away and stared at me with intensity. We were still too close for me to really see his face.

"I love you, Edward. I love you and I trust you, and I am ready." He whispered.

I framed his face with both of my hands and forcefully dragged him back to me so that I could kiss him again. Our lips mashed and danced and reveled in the blissful reunion.

Finally, I pulled back and look at him straight in the eyes.

"I love you too, Jasper. More than you know."

He grinned. "I think I know just how much," he mumbled, his lips already back on mine.

"So, does that mean you wouldn't mind going on the Ellen Show with me?" I teased jokingly, but maybe a little serious too.

"Anything for you, darlin'." He replied in complete candor. "I would fight any evilness to make this place better for you."

"That's my job, my love." I promised before placing my lips against his once more.

The wind blew around us, and the waves crashed loudly further away. Suddenly, our embrace felt like freedom. I could hear the others joke around and chat, and it was amazing to be here, out in the open, surrounded by friends, and to not have to hide my love for Jasper. I felt utterly liberated. And that closet where it had all began became a distant past, a cherished memory that brought us here, today, to this perfect moment. And I couldn't wait to see what tomorrow would bring, because no matter what, it would be great and promising, with Jasper at my side.

THE END

So... I hope you liked it...

Once again I would like to THANK all of you for going on this exciting journey with me. I never had so many responses and followers before and it feels AMAZING! I feel completely amazed by all of your encouraging reviews! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

xoxo


End file.
